Raising Libby Jo

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2011-11-28T12:12:00.001-06:00

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First Crack at Pre-Planning Dinner for the Week

2011-10-02T17:15:00.000-05:00

Typically, J is the chef of the household but with work and school he's just not home lately to do it. So, I've decided that in order for me to do it and do it well, I'm going to have to plan. Otherwise, 5 p.m. rolls around and I'm asking myself, "What's for dinner?!" And then slap something quick and easy together. Like quesadillas and black beans. And salad. Or turkey meatballs with sweet potato oven fries. And salad. But it's getting routine and I really want to have a plan in place. So, this weekend I came up with this!

October 2-9, 2011Sun - Turkey and Three Bean Chili with Corn Bread and Mixed Green Salad
Mon - Penne Pasta with Gorgonzola, Spinach, Kielbasa and Apples
Tues - Hawaiian Chicken Thighs with Rice and Steamed Broccoli and Edamame
Wed - Chicken Parmesan with Pasta Florentine Thurs - Sour Cream and Chicken Enchiladas (see recipe below) with black beans and corn
Fri - DIY Pizza
Sat - Grilled Pork Chops with Mashed Potatoes and Garlic Spinach

I've created a Word Doc that has a table with columns for each night of the week (Sun-Sat) in the rows goes the main dish, carb side and veggie side. Then I have a grocery list below it. I hope to just update it each weekend, do our shopping and be ready to go for the week!

Most of my recipes are inspired by magazines, some are DIY and others I've just recently found on Pinterest.

For the pork chops my J just seasons and grills, he does mashed potatoes with the skins on and a little half/half and minced garlic and the spinach he sautees with more garlic and some olive oil...easy peasy!

The pizza will be interesting...never DIYd my own dough, so I am considering...or I'll just get a premade crust or dough at the store and add our toppings...lots of veggies! And maybe a Hawaiian one with pinneapple and canadian bacon or turkey ham.

The recipe for the Sour Cream Chicken Enchiladas is from a coworker. She makes them for staff potlucks and they are delicious!

Sour Cream Chicken Enchiladas

This recipe makes 10 to 12 enchiladas. Amounts are estimated as I do not measure.

Ingredients
3 or 4 skinless and boneless chicken breasts
10 or 12 flour tortillas (the thinner the better) I used low fat, "carb smart" tortillas
1 small can of green chiles
2 or 3 small cans of green chile enchilada sauce
Minced onion (optional) I skipped this
2 ½ cups of colby and monterey jack cheese ( or can use packaged mixture of Mexican cheese) I used a "pizza mix" since that's what we had in the fridge
1 small can of sliced black olives (optional)
3/4/ to 1 cup of sour cream (per personal preference) I used Light Sour Cream
1 or 2 tablespoons of vegetable oil I used olive oil
garlic powder (or fresh minced if preferred)

Directions
Sprinkle garlic powder, salt, and pepper (to taste) on chicken. Cook covered chicken breasts until tender. I prefer slow roasting in oven (325 degrees) for an hour or so but the breasts can be cooked on stove top in enough water to cover breasts for ½ hour or so. Chicken should be so tender it is shredding apart. Cool chicken for about 15 minutes.

Warm vegetable oil with a small amount of green chile sauce in large skillet. Warm each tortilla in mixture. Put in skillet, count to 10 and remove to a plate. This helps to keep the tortillas from getting soggy when baking.

Shred cooked chicken in a bowl, add 2 or 3 tablespoons of onion (optional), ½ of the cheese, ½ the sour cream and can of green chiles. You can a small amount of the chicken drippings if desired. Mix well.

Put about two tablespoons of chicken mixture in center of a tortilla. (More or less as needed depending on diameter of tortillas). Roll up and place in Pam sprayed pan with seam down. Continue until all tortillas or chicken are used.

Mix remainder of sour cream with remainder of green chile sauce. Pour over tortillas. Place sliced olives on top of rolled tortillas, sprinkle remainder of cheese. You may want more or less cheese. Bake at 350 degrees for about 20 minutes.

Enchiladas may be prepared ahead of time and refrigerated but do not add sauce until ready to bake. Increase baking time by about 10 minutes if enchiladas have been refrigerated.

Speaking of cooking, Libby cooked with me for the first time this weekend. We made peanut butter cookies. The recipe is very simple and from Parent's Magazine.

1 c. peanut butter (creamy or crunchy)
1 c. sugar (and a little more for dusting)
1 egg

Mix all ingredients in a bowl until a dough forms. Make one inch balls and roll in a plate of sugar. Place balls onto an ungreased cookie sheet and use a fork to press down flat. Bake at 375 degrees for about 10 minutes or until just brown on the edges. Makes 24 cookies.

Libby had a blast as she poured the sugar into the bowl and mixed it with the peanut butter and egg. She had fun rolling the dough into little balls and placing it on the cookie sheets. We recited the Pat-A-Cake verse, "roll it...and throw it in the pan! Pat it and prick it (as I used the fork to press them down)..." Which made her all the more excited about the entire thing! Too cute. Some cookies browned faster than others (I suspect they had more sugar ON them) and for my taste, I am not a fan of the cookies (a bit too sweet and flaky for me) but Libby had so much fun and that was the whole point. She talked about it for the rest of the night and this morning too, "Peanut butter! Sugar! Egg! Cooking cookies! Yum!" Adorable. I did manage to snap some pics but they're still in the camera. I'll add them to this post as soon as I can!

Five Months Later - I'm Back!

2011-10-01T14:34:00.002-05:00

Whew, what a crazy 5 months it's been...insane!

1) This summer was out of control with days upon days of 100+ degree weather! We had a small reprise with a 5-day vacay in Southern California visiting our good friends.

Libby's First Trip to the Beach! She loved it! San Clemente - August 6, 2011

2) I am pregnant! We're expecting a son on January 17, 2012...just six days before Libby's second birthday. I found out just after I posted my last post on Mother's Day. Apparently we got pregnant on Easter. Guess an EXTRA special egg was delivered!

Our Baby Boy on the Way! EDD 01.17.12

3) We bought a house! We made the offer on July 1 and moved in over Labor Day Weekend. It's 2,000 sq. feet (so nearly double the size of the rental we've been in for the past three years), 2-story and has 4 bedrooms and 2 baths with a two car garage.

View of our new home's interior from the entry way

So yeah, that's why I've been away. Plus work was wacky all summer too with two positions downsized (I am now a department of 1.5...don't ask!), travel for a seminar we hosted, many meetings and special projects.

Fall is finally here and at 25 weeks pregnant I am looking to slow down a bit now that we're all moved into our new place.

More to come!

Mother's Day 2011

2011-05-10T20:28:00.001-05:00

Two years ago today Libby was just a little ball of cells making its way into my womb. I still marvel at this fact. The miracle life is simply amazing. I adore seeing my Little Being grow and develop with each passing day. She's her own little person, already, and I am so lucky to be her mother.

This Mother's Day weekend we spent time in the great outdoors. Friday began with an afternoon visit to Hunter's Park in South Tulsa. We've never been before and I was so happy to have received a late invitation from a friend with two daughters, one is four and other is almost 7 months. After some time at the park it was time to go. There was an ice cream truck that Libby called "ice cream bus" and I stopped and got us a push-up pop to share. She's never had one and it's been at least 30 years since I've eaten one! It was so good! On the way home I picked up a Radio Flyer Trike I had bought over the phone earlier in the day from a local consignment shop. When we got home, we took it for a spin in the driveway! She also enjoyed her first time using sidewalk chalk and our driveway now is decorated with pastel loveliness.

Saturday we headed to our familiar stomping grounds at La Fortune Park. Libby has no fear when it comes to climbing on the play equipment and I love that, for the most part, she can run around freely.

Sunday, J made us bacon and pancakes with sliced strawberries. Yum, yum! I also got lovely cards and gifts from both him and my mom and not one, but two cards from Libby (apparently my mom and J had her bases covered). J had to work so Libby and I spent the afternoon playing in the front yard. Mom had some gardening to do so Libby got in on the action, which was adorable!

This was my second, official Mother's Day and it was awesome! I am so happy to have Libby call me mommy!

They're here! Libby's Pro Pics from her One Year Photoshoot!

2011-05-01T21:44:00.000-05:00

Okay, we took these over two months ago, but I've finally got them! I love how these portraits came out...Malisa has been a wonderful photographer to work with since we got our maternity shots taken with her in November 2009. This session marked the end of our "baby bundle" session and we are thrilled with all of the fantastic photos we have of Libby from her first year! We will treasure them always. Now...I've got to decide which I will have enlarged and framed!

These were taken at a warehouse near 4th and Elgin in Downtown Tulsa:

These were taken at Morgan Street Studios in Broken Arrow:

I asked Malisa to take some portraits of us nursing and we gone ONE and only one because Libby was so distracted by the camera clicking away. That said, I love the ONE we got...and will treasure it always as a memento of this special time in our lives as mother and daughter.

A couple of Valentine's Day shots...inspired by her cute bloomers and headband from RuffleButts.

And then her cake smash pics!

Celebrating Easter 2011

2011-04-24T20:22:00.011-05:00

The Sunday before Easter we decided to have our morning bagels at Woodward Park. Libby loved exploring the flowers, grass and trees...

It amazes me how much she's changed in just 12 months! Here's us this time last year, when she was just 12 weeks old:

A few days later, Libby met the Easter Bunny for the first time. She loved him! The boy in line before her screamed and cried, but it didn't phase Libby one bit! When it was her turn, she ran right up to him and said, "Up!" and then proceeded to touch his ears and glasses. She was only mildly annoyed that she had to turn away and look at the camera!

Sadly, the rain started on Good Friday and continued all weekend long. So Easter Sunday was rained out. We decided not to go to church due to the weather. Nevertheless, we had fun at home. Libby enjoyed getting her first Easter basket.

We had a lazy day and just stayed close and snuggled. J made a delcicious dinner with lamp chops, mashed potatoes and asparagus. Hopefully next Easter Libby will get to hunt for eggs! For now, she's thrilled to crack open the plastic ones we filled with Annie's Bunnies Graham Crackers and put in her basket.

First Tornado Warning of the Season

2011-04-14T20:54:00.025-05:00

Today we had our first dangerous weather of tornado season. I didn't even know there was a serious weather front on our radar until I was getting ready to leave work and a co-worker said, "good luck with the storms tonight." I was like, "what storms?" and she said, "oh, you have to tune into the radio because they're predicting tornadoes tonight." Gulp. We don't have TV and I mainly listen to the local public radio station that broadcasts NPR. Aside from the National Weather Service Alerts that interrupts their broadcast during imminent dangerous weather, they are not huge on posting tons of weather information. So, on the drive home I tuned into KRMG, which is the local talk radio station (read: CONSERVATIVE talk radio) and that supposedly has the best radio weather reports.

Once I got home, I mentioned to my mom that there were reports of severe weather on the way...so she tried to tune her TV in her room to a local station. She doesn't have cable, so she uses a digital antennae, which means that in severe weather it generally fails. And of course, it wasn't working that well, but she did manage to get spotty coverage from Fox23. I nursed Libby and she fell asleep for a second nap of the day, which she has dropped had since before her first birthday and typically only has one nap daily. I placed her in her crib and carried on with checking email, getting dinner items ready and tidying up around the house.

At 5:30 p.m. the radio blared a warning and the tornado siren at Harvard and 41st went off. I jumped up from the computer, scooped Libby out of her crib and headed to our bathroom, which, aside from the hall closet, is probably the safest place in the house to ride out severe weather. My mom rounded up the four dogs and got them into the bathroom. Next she brought in blankets and our couch cushions. Meanwhile, I nursed Libby while sitting in the tub, as she was fussing and I didn't want her to start wailing which inevitably leads to a quartet of small dogs howling together in unison. Mom turned up the radio in the living room, grabbed our purses, extra diapers, bottles of water, extra batteries and her medications and returned to the bathroom. She heard the cat outside the door so she opened it, grabbed her and placed her in our linen closet so she'd be away from the dogs. There we were: me, mom and Libby with four dogs and a cat...all stuffed into our teeny 1950's tiled bathroom. I loaded new batteries into our combo flashlight/radio (it also has a crank, just in case it loses juice) and turned into KMRG so we could hear the reports better.

They're located near 71st/Yale and we're at 41st/Yale and we got very scared when they broadcast that they were evacuating the building. They also reported the ominous green sky that sometimes comes before a tornado. The sky darkened the small window in our bathroom and my mom began to cry behind a couch cushion. I continued to nurse and rock Libby as the sirens blared and the reports from the emergency radio intensified. All of the sudden it got extremely bright outside. I looked out the window and it was eerily calm. No leaves bustled. There was no sound. After about 3 or 4 minutes the sky darkened again and thunder clapped. It began to rain hard and fast and then the hail came. And the wind kicked up again. After that the sirens stopped. We're not 100% sure but we think that tornadic activity passed over our house. Swirling clouds, at least. That explains the green sky. And it makes sense since that is what the radio station reported as well and they're not far from us. Thankfully, that was all it was here. The folks in Tushka were not so fortunate. And it's a reminder to us that we need to be prepared. It's Spring in Oklahoma and that means it's tornado season.

Color Color! Circle Circle!

2011-04-10T20:35:00.036-05:00

Libby LOVES to color with her color crayons. She also loves to look at her books with colors in them and sort her toys by color. She can identify and say: yellow, purple, blue, green, black, orange and pink. She can also identify red, white and brown but doesn't say those words yet. Here she is enjoying "color, color" time in her room today:

She's also started shape sorting and identifying shapes. She is consistently identifying circles, stars, and hearts. She'll wind her little pointer finger around and around saying "circle, circle" when she sees a ball or the water knobs in the bathtub. She'll trace the opening of her cup repeating "circle, circle." It's really cute! I've got to get it on video...that and her counting. Many of her books are counting/number oriented and I've always pointed to the illustrations and counted out loud. She's started to copy me and will point at each object and say "two, two, two..." The other day I said, "one...two...." and she chimed in with me. My mom read to her and right on cue, after she said "six," Libby said "seven..." Libby also seems to have her books memorized. We have several collections of 3 or 4 books in a series. For example, four books on manners titled: Please, Thank You, Excuse Me, and Sorry.

As you can see, they're all the same size and feature the same illustrated pig family. Each has a different colored cover. And Libby knows which is which. She will say "excuse me" and then go an get that book. And same with the others. J swears she's reading the titles or knows the words. I think it's more that she has memorized the colors of each cover. In any case, we're both amazed that she'll consistently bring us the correct book, even though she has several similar ones. She does this with her other series books as well.

After her nap, we took a nice walk to the local playground:

Libby loves to look at the trees, birds, squirrels and flowers. She wants to touch everything and will walk with us for most of the way. We are constantly amazed by our Little Being and the person she's becoming with each day. We're so lucky to be her parents and able to witness her development.

Where Children Sleep

2011-04-10T00:53:00.002-05:00

Leah at The Little Birdy posted a link to this book by James Mollison. He takes photographs of children and their beds, all over the world. The images and stories are fascinating and sometimes distubring. You can view it online here. Be sure to read the stories that accompany the photos. Reviewing it tonight made me extra thankful for the life I live and the home we are able to provide for our sweet little girl. Wow. Just wow.

16-Hour Day

2011-04-08T17:30:00.000-05:00

Today was long! We headed down to our tour and meeting on the campus of California University of Pennsylvania this morning. Thankfully, we took advantage of the business center at the Hampton Inn and printed out Mapquest directions. We also got some for the drive back to the airport so I could make it to my flight on time!

The school was lovely and perfect for our seminar this summer. I hope our attendees feel the same! We had a delicious lunch that included local veggies and herbs that the chef grows in campus! Nice.

Thankfully, Mapquest came through and I was at the airport in about 40-minutes. I was super early, but that was fine by me. I was headed home to see my loves! After 5 days away last month, I knew if I could be gone only two days and one night this time, that's what I was gonna do. Plus, this way, I get ALL of Friday off and can be home with Libby rather than using it to travel home. But that means putting in a 16-hour day. By the time I get home it'll be midnight (yay for free WiFi at the airport)!

This is the first time since the TSA restrictions post-9/11, that I've flown with just a carry-on. I found a mini-sized hair mousse that did the job. Otherwise, I would have had to check a bag, which seems silly for just one night away. But, my hair really looks awful without mousse taming it's curliness. I got to the airport and changed out of my work clothes and into jeans and a sweater. I also pumped and dumped. This will be the last time I ever pump. I stopped pumping during the work day after I got back from Chicago last month. It's been great to not have to deal with it (pumping AND scalding milk) and I've been able to work though lunch (rather than coming home at lunchtime to nurse Libby) and get out of the office around 2:30 p.m. each day, which is great! I brought the pump on this trip just to keep up my supply and relieve pressure. I pumped once last night and once today. That's it! And dumping my milk was sort of weird. And now, once I am home, I will clean it all up and store it away until we're ready to use it for baby #2. Who's is just an idea, at this point!

Since I got to the airport so early, I've had a leisurely time in the AirMall and got this adorable stuffed owl to bring home to Libby. It's the Olio Owl from Mary Meyer's Print Pizzazz line of plush toys. She says "Awwwooooollll" and "whooo whooo" all the time, so I think she'll love this little guy! It's so hard to be away from her...even for just 24 hours...cannot wait to be home and in my own bed!

Going to California...Pennsylvania, that is...

2011-04-06T22:39:00.013-05:00

Yep, there is a California, PA and I am headed to it tomorrow. Supposedly it's 20-minutes from where I am tonight...the Hampton Inn in Belle Vernon, PA. It took us two hours to get here from the Pittsburgh Airport which is about one hour and 15-minutes longer than it should have taken us. Two of my colleagues and I are here to visit the site where our summer seminar is being held this July. We've rented a car and a GPS system. That apparently sucks. Because it said "reaching your destination, on right" when we were smack dab in the middle of nowhere. Thank goodness my colleague had her iPhone and Google App. It got us to our final destination tonight...the Hampton Inn.

This place is a trip...it's positioned strategically at the parking lot of a Walmart and down the street from a Kmart. There's a Big Lots and Payless Shoes within sight. We're in BARGAIN central, apparently. We had a late dinner at Sonny's Grille, which looks like a converted Long John Silvers. (ETA: It WAS a LJS..at least according to Yelp! LOL!) But the food was tasty, actually. I had blackened tuna and baked baby potatoes and a nice salad. I also had the caramel apple pie. Delish! We normally stay at Hiltons or Renaissance Hotels when we travel for work, but this Hampton Inn was the best hotel in the area (which is why we're staying here and not in California, I guess). It's fine and honestly, what I like about this level of hotel is FREE WiFi access and free breakfast! You have to pay $19.99 for both at a Hilton!

I have to say this is my first trip to Pennsylvania and it's pretty. But it also looks sort of shabby. Maybe that's just according to my Western eyes since being from the West Coast and now, living in the midWest, we don't have towns as old as the ones here. Let's just say that many of the buildings look worse for the wear. Anyway, it'll be interesting to see what California, PA looks like. We're headed to California University of Pennsylvania bright and early tomorrow. And then sprint back to the airport so I can fly home to Tulsa. My colleagues have elected to stay an extra night in Pittsburgh, but I intend to be in my own bed by midnight!

Awesome Weekend: Part One

2011-04-05T23:33:00.000-05:00

After a week of gray, misty, overcast skies and near freezing temps we were rewarded this weekend with blue skies, gentle breezes and a 76 degrees of sunshine! After a crazy week at work (not one, not two, not three, but FOUR big deadlines met!) and too many nine hour days and working through lunch, I was ready to just relax and enjoy my family.

Friday afternoon my mom and I took Libby to the playground at 41st/Riverside...

First, my dear hubby let me sleep in until 9 a.m. He got up with Libby and I awoke to the sounds of her finishing her breakfast..."all doooooonnnnneee!" We hung out while J whipped up some delicious pancakes. The windows and doors were open and the cross breezes felt awesome as we drank our coffee and ate our pancakes. The backyard has been alive with birds of every color...blue, red, black, brown and shades between...mating season is in full effect and it's fun to see their little dances and rituals. And see them building their nests...readying themselves for the little eggs that will surely result from all of their Springtime fun!

Libby's really into her dolls lately...and is loving this double stroller my mom picked up for her from Target:

She's also really obsessed with "BEADS!" And loves my necklaces and earrings. So I let her wear this Kukui nut lei that we brought home from our wedding in Hawaii....

Pop was in town for the gun show and stopped by for a few hours.

She just had to show him her babies...and stuffed elephant, of course!

And then we headed out to La Fortune Park where we played on the toddler-sized equipment:

And then watched some ducks for a bit...

What a great start to the weekend! And I love that Libby gets to spend so much quality time with her grandma...they are best buds!

Awesome Weekend: Part Two

2011-04-05T21:51:00.000-05:00

The weather was still great come Sunday, so mom and I took Libby to the Tulsa Zoo at Mowhawk Park. Libby's been to the aquarium twice (once here in Tulsa, well, technically, Jenks and the first time was in Seattle, last October)...but this was her first time to the zoo. And it was my first time to the zoo here in Tulsa and the first time I've gone in about 15 or 20 years!

We started with the elephant exhibit since Libby is obsessed with "eh-a-fence" but there was only one out and she was way across from the observation area so Libby hardly saw her. And lost interest quickly. So it was on to the giraffe exhibit. Again, only one giraffe, but he was eating and easy to see.

She had been in the Ergo about 20 minutes at this point and wanted "down!" She was funny watching the giraffe and kept saying "ball!" because he was eating some food from the green ball tied to the fencing.

Across from the giraffe was the zebra enclosure...

I love this photo of Libby with my mom...

Despite bringing the stroller, in addition to the Ergo, she wanted to walk on her own at this point. So we put on her "puppy backpack"...which is basically a kid leash. I never thought I'd be one to use one with my kiddo, but she doesn't want to hold hands and wants to walk on her own. So this is our compromise. And she loves the thing! She asks for it all the time at home. And in the car I let her hold it (sans the long tail) and she's super excited when we arrive at our destination to wear her puppy backpack! That said, we're still working on holding hands and staying with mommy, daddy or grandma!

We headed to the Big Cats...the tiger and lion....yes, again, just one of each. And ongoing theme at the Tulsa Zoo, at least on this day...

Then we saw some penguins...

And checked out the bears (black and brown) as well as some lemurs and made our way to the train. This was Libby's first train ride! She was thrilled that the "big kids" in front of us were wearing backpacks too...yep...a monkey and tan puppy version of her kiddie leash! Apparently, all the cool kids wear them!

At the train stop was the carousel, so we went for a spin on the ferocious looking tiger! Libby had a blast! And so did I...I love just seeing her experience new things and enjoying the moment! This was her second time on a carousel (the first was in December at the mall when we had her holiday portraits taken).

One of my all-time favorite photos of me with Libby.
There's a lot of emotion in my face here!

Oh, I should mention that on the train ride Libby asked to nurse, so we did. And then a little more on the bench while we waited for our turn on the carousel. I have no idea if others saw us (I nurse without a cover, but am discreet by wearing a nursing tank under my top so I can lift up my top and still be covered underneath...

At 14 months Libby's still going strong with nursing. During the week it's about 2-3 times a day, but on weekends it much more. And I am okay with that...at least for now. She's still my baby and nursing is so beneficial for her AND for me!

Anyway, then it was off to the petting zoo, where ironically, we saw some mama sheep nursing their lambs. And Libby got to touch some goats!

After about two hours in the park she started to fade...which was understandable as her nap time was nearing AND we'd been in the 80 degree weather and walking in 30 mph winds! So we wrapped up our visit with a stop by the otters and headed on our way home...

Libby stayed awake during the 15 minute ride home but then promptly fell asleep for nearly 3 hours which is record napping for her! I am sure this is just the first of many more visits to the zoo to come. We had a great day and a wonderful end to our awesome weekend!

Spring has sprung!

2011-03-26T13:22:00.000-05:00

I took Monday off to stay with Libby since my mom was still out-of-town and J has school. So, I decided to take Libby down to Woodward Park and snap some pics oh her cuteness next to the blooming daffodils and tulips. Even though she only looked at the camera once and, in general, complained for the majority of our time there, I did manage to get some nice shots:

Afterwards we went to get some groceries and she was so cute walking with me and pushing the cart. We got home and she had a fantastic nap! She seems to be settling back into her normal routine now.

Tuesday with had our visit with our Parents As Teachers Educator. It went well and we're happy to know that Libby is measuring well ahead on most milestones. She's talking more and more everyday. New words include "strawberry" and "barbecue sauce" two of her favorite things to eat lately.

And she's still in love with her blanket...

She loves to cuddle with it and really wants to take it everywhere. I got her a smaller version that's more manageable for her to walk around with but so far, it's not working out and she likes her FULL sized one best!

I cannot believe how in just two months Libby's gone from a growing baby to full-fledged toddler! She's 14 months old and so much fun!

She's Back!

2011-03-21T21:28:00.000-05:00

Hooray, my sweet little girl is back. The past two days have been SO much better. She's gone down at her regular bedtime. Last night, she slept SO well. She was down at 7:30 p.m. and woke up to nurse at 1:30 a.m. and then went back to sleep until 8:30 a.m. It was awesome! I attribute it to this:

We welcomed the first day of Spring with a trip to the park at 41st and Riverside Drive:

We picked up some bagels from Old School Bagels in Brookside and then headed to the park on 41st and Riverside. We had about an hour at the playground. It was so fun to see her playing like a big kid. She climbed on the equipment and went down the slide. She spun in the spinning cup thing (I swear this playground is so modern I have no idea how half of the equipment even works) and ran around. It was a nice 78 degrees and breezy! A perfect day.

We got home and she had a great nap! I needed to vacuum and she's terrified of it so I strapped her into the Scootababy and we got the job done. Then, she decided she wanted to try her own "vak-oom" and figured out how to use her popper. Until now she's just carried it around! So cute to see her figure it out!

All that activity definitely tired her out (and the pugs too)!

Now that Spring has sprung and we have nicer weather, I want to be sure she gets at least a hour a day outside to play. Even if it's divided throughout the day. It's SO important! And it obviously makes her sleep so well! It'll be good for ALL of us to get outside and enjoy all that Mother Nature has to offer!

Slight Improvement

2011-03-19T22:29:00.000-05:00

I've been home since Friday and will have Monday off too, so Libby's been getting lots of one-on-one time with me. She's been better about going down at her bedtime (7:00 p.m.) but the past two nights she's been waking every 60-90 minutes and is angry. Screaming and grunting. And flailing her limbs and tossing her head back. Tonight, she was so beside herself for a good 15 minutes that I started to get a little scared. I thought she might be having a night terror. But as soon as I turned on the light she stopped and said, "book!" So I guess she just didn't want it to be nigh-night time. Ugh. So I read her a book and turned out the light, held her for a bit and put her back in the crib. She fussed for a minute and then was asleep.

But even after I've gone in and nursed/rocked/snuggled her back to sleep as soon as her she's placed in her crib she starts up again. I feel horrible. We had a really good nighttime routine going before I left town and now, I feel like we're back to square one. Tonight, during bath time, which she usually LOVES, she didn't want to sit in the tub and wanted out about 5 minutes after it started. She just seems so angry since I've come home and I am not sure how to help her.

We were supposed to have awesome weather this weekend, but so far it's been chilly and gray. I hope tomorrow will be sunny, or at least warm enough for us to get out of the house and go to the park. Today was fun, we went for pancakes at Jimmy's Egg and then ran an errand at Ace Hardware. They have miniature shopping carts and Libby had a blast pushing it around the store. The shoppers got a kick out of her cuteness too!

Speaking of cuteness...check it!

Libby's First Pedicure! L'Oreal's Trust Fund Baby is a good shade of pink for the first toes of Spring! I painted our toes last night after her bath. She liked getting them painted but didn't want to wait for them to dry! This morning, she saw my toes and then remembered hers were painted too...so cute! The nail polish was pretty stinky though, so I am thinking of getting this eco-friendly Piggy Paint to have for the next time.

And despite the overcast weather, I had enough natural light coming through the window to snap this:

She is so sweet. Which is why it's killing me right now when she's so unhappy. So, I am continuing with giving her tons of my undivided attention in hopes that she'll come back to her happy self. I am sure my mom's return on Monday will help too...as things will be "back to normal' in our household. The last several week's have been quite tumultuous and I am sure that is affecting my little greatly.

Toddler's Revenge

2011-03-16T21:16:00.001-05:00

I've been home for four days and apparently Libby is not happy. According to J, while I was gone she was LESS fussy that she is now that I am home. She is being aggressive towards me and even deliberately bit me while nursing. She looked me straight in the eye and chomped down. When I removed her I told her firmly, "no biting" and she had no reaction whatsoever. She just looked at me with a blank expression. Usually she'd either scold herself by saying, "no, no, no!" or become embarrassed and crack a smile. This is the first time I've ever just seen her be defiant. Her sleep has gone to hell in a hand basket. Some of this could be due to Daylight Saving Time and "springing forward" an hour. But her sleep routine is off by two to three hours, not one!

Like today...she awoke at 4:30 a.m. which isn't out of the norm. She went back to sleep from 6:30-8:30 a.m. which is fairly predictable. But then, she didn't nap until 3 p.m.! This is 2-3 hours later than her "normal" time. And she slept until 5:30 p.m. So I knew her bedtime routine was out the window. Especially since we're usually having dinner by 5 p.m., so that was also pushed off about an hour. 7:00 p.m. is her normal bedtime and even with the change in time, I'd be okay with 8:00 p.m. But tonight, she didn't go down until 9:00 p.m. and that wasn't without a struggle. Since I've returned she wants to be at my breast for 45-60 minutes! She hasn't been like that in months!

So I am trying to be as gentle and patient as possible. Thankfully I'll have Friday and Monday off so we'll have four whole days together. I am hoping to just give her as much attention as possible and try to get her back to her regular schedule. I feel horrible that my time away has sent her off on an emotional roller coaster...I just want my sweet, lovable little back.

Home Sweet Home

2011-03-14T14:09:00.005-05:00

I arrived home late on Saturday to a completely quiet house. The dogs didn't even bark. I quickly changed out of my clothes and into my pjs and said a quick hello to my mom, who was watching TV in her room. Within seconds, I heard Libby. She must have heard me talking with my mom (their rooms are right next to each other). So I went in and took her from her crib. It was about 11 p.m. I nursed and rocked her, thinking I'd get her back to sleep. Not so. She wanted to be up. So I turned on the lamp and we visited for a while. We read books and played with her dolly. My mom came in and filled me in on all that had happened that week. Nice weather meant a walk to the park and looking at the trees with their new blooms. Separation anxiety at night meant not too much sleep for anyone.

Finally, at around 1 a.m. Libby went back to sleep where she stayed until 9:30 a.m. It felt so good to sleep in my own bed, next to my honey. Even with losing an hour "springing forward," I felt well-rested. We got up and had a leisurely morning before heading out to a friend's first birthday party. It was an especially touching milestone to celebrate since she had lost her first daughter just days after she was born. En route, I dropped off the 75 ounces of milk I had pumped while I was out-of-town. I had no issues bringing it back through TSA.

This week was a tough one. To be away from Libby for the first time. And also with all that has gone on in the world...far away...with the devastating earthquake and tsunami in Japan and the continuing unrest and violence in Libya. To a little closer to home with my friend Sarah unexpectedly loosing both her aunt and then her father. At 38 weeks pregnant, she was unable to travel to either of them to say goodbye. My heart just breaks for her. Her sweet boy was born on Saturday, just a day after her father died. And my friend, to whom I've been donating my milk, she was to finalize her baby's adoption on Thursday. Only to find out that a man has come forward and is claiming paternity. This is not the same man who terminated paternal rights on the paperwork at the hospital back when the baby was born. It's someone new. And it means awaiting the results of a DNA test before any decisions can be made. What's worse is this guy is a convicted felon, meth cooker and drug addict. My friend is just beside herself with anxiety about the unknown. So I am praying hard...for her and her family, for my friend Sarah and her family and for all of the people in Japan and Libya and anywhere else there is suffering. And I am hugging my loved ones a little closer tonight. Because, as we've been reminded with these events, we never really know what tomorrow will bring. Or if tomorrow will ever come.

Do not stand at my grave and weep,
I am not there, I do not sleep.

I am in a thousand winds that blow,

I am the softly falling snow.

I am the gentle showers of rain,

I am the fields of ripening grain.

I am in the morning hush,

I am in the graceful rush

Of beautiful birds in circling flight,

I am the starshine of the night.

I am in the flowers that bloom,

I am in a quiet room.

I am in the birds that sing,

I am in each lovely thing.

Do not stand at my grave bereft

I am not there. I have not left.

~Mary Elizabeth Frye

Missing My Family

2011-03-10T23:52:00.000-06:00

I've been away for three days and two nights...half way there. When I am busy with the conference, it's not too bad. But the down time is killer. That's when the loneliness creeps in. I miss my husband's hugs and kisses. I miss my baby's snuggles. Today, I talked to her on speaker phone and sang Itsy Bitsy Spider to her. Then she said, "mama, mama, mama..." and as she repeated it her voice changed from happy to sad. Almost desperately so. And it made me choke up. I cannot even imagine what her 13-month-old self must be thinking about my being gone. I know when she's older she won't remember that I was gone for 5 days when she was just one year old. But right now, I really wonder what is going through her head when she looks for me and I'm not there.

My mom assured me that Libby's eating and sleeping just fine, so that's a comfort. Especially since I just found out I'll have to be away again next month for a working trip. I've opted to take the late flight home after my meeting so I will only need to be away one night (two whole days). As someone who's always loved to travel...even for business...it's weird to feel this way now. But life has changed. I want to be home with my family. I want to sleep in my bed. Two years ago I would have been so stokked to be in Chicago for 5 days. But now, I'm just hoping the days pass quickly so I can pack up and get back to the airport on my way home.

Tonight, I was lucky to meet one of the women that I chat with in an online forum...we chat online daily, are Facebook friends, but we've never met in life until tonight. She lives about 40 minutes from Chicago and wanted to do dinner. So we met at a great tapas bar, had a lovely meal and great conversation. She is a music teacher who has a son who's about 6 months younger than Libby and she and her hubby were married in Hawaii, so we have much in common. I really appreciated her taking the time to come out, on a school night, and meet me for dinner. I've met some really fantastic women online and we're all friends who have genuinely supported each other through wedding planning, being newlyweds, trying to conceive, pregnancy and now, motherhood.

Planning for this trip, I turned to them for advice on how to maintain my milk supply. So far, I am pumping 5 times each day and eating oatmeal. I brought fenugeek tea, but haven't used it yet. When I pump I am getting 5-6 oz. per 10 minute session, so I feel confident that my milk supply will no suffer from this trip. I've rented a mini-fridge for my room so I can store the milk. My plan is to bring it home for the mama who I have been donating my milk to for her baby. As if pumping while away on business weren't challenging enough...with my excess lipase issue I had to bring a hot pot so I could scald the milk. I essentially came with an extra suitcase because I couldn't fit all of this paraphernalia into one suitcase along with my clothing, shoes and toiletries. But I figure if I'm going to express 100 ounces or so of "liquid gold" the least I could do is try to bring it back home! I'm armed with my TSA print-outs too, since the agents are notoriously ignorant of their own policies for women traveling with breastmilk, especially those who are not accompanying a baby on the trip. So wish me luck that I get a good agent who knows the deal and doesn't hassle me about my carry-on, soft-sided cooler filled with milk.

Leaving My Baby

2011-03-05T22:22:00.003-06:00

Libby has fully recovered from her mild case of the chicken pox. The blessing of her getting it last week was that it allowed me to be home with her, which was extra special since I'll be leaving her for 5 days and 4 nights this coming week. I have a conference in Chicago to attend for work and we've decided that rather than have her and mom come with me, like we did in October when I had to go to Seattle for work, we'd just have her stay home with J and my mom and I'd go alone. I am nervous and anxious about it. Not so much about Libby...she'll probably do just fine with daddy and grandma!

I've never been away from Libby for longer than 18 hours! And we're still nursing so I am worried about how she'll do without her "mama milk" and how my supply will fare. I've only ever pumped once a day and never relied on pumping alone to maintain my supply. So I plan to pump at least 5 times each day that I am away (Tues-Sat). I've arranged for a mini-fridge in my hotel room so I can store the milk. Since Libby won't do previously frozen milk, my hope is to bring it back and give it to the adoptive mom to whom I've been donating my extra milk. I want to bring it back refrigerated, not frozen, so the mom can either use it right away or freeze it and use it when she needs it. If I try to freeze it at the hotel I am worried it will defrost by the time my flight home lands and then she'll have to ALL of it within 48 hours or toss it. We shall see.

For now, my plan is to pump, scald using an electric hot pot (I did this in Seattle) and then cool the milk in the fridge. Once it's cool I'll transfer it to a Lanisoh Milk Storage Bag. I'll collect all of those bags into one or two gallon Ziploc bags and place in my soft-sided cooler bag to bring home on the plane. When I check out of the hotel, I'll get a bag of ice to keep things cool until I get to the airport. Then, I'll toss that and once I clear TSA with the milk, get some more ice from a vendor on the other side. I hope this works! I've been scouring the Internet for tips from other pumping-and-traveling mamas and this is what they do (except for the scalding thing...which only mamas with excess lipase have to do). I know it seems like a lot to manage and it would be so much easier to pump-and-dump, but that's a lot of precious breastmilk to waste when it could feed a baby! I am guessing I'll have 100+ ounces to bring back...hopefully TSA will be cool about it. I've downloaded their latest guidelines for nursing mothers traveling with milk but without their baby and plan to have a copy on me if I am given any hassles about it. I pray that I don't end up in a scenario like this nursing mother! Sadly, this went down in November 2010, so I am hoping the TSA in Chicago know better than these morons in Phoenix.

Libby has never taken much expressed breastmilk in my absence. She definitely prefers her mama's milk straight from the source. Typically, she'll take 1-2 oz. by cup in the mornings, before breakfast, while I am at work. I usually come home at lunchtime and she nurses. Then she'll hold out until 4 p.m when I get home and nurse some more. Between 4-7 p.m. she typically nurses 2-3 times and has dinner. These nursing sessions include the one before bed. And she'll wake 1-2 times before 5 a.m. and nurse. Since we're doing Baby Led Weaning and still actively nursing she gets the bulk of her nutrition (probably close to 75%) from my milk still.

So I am really anxious to know how she'll handle me being gone for 5 days. I hope deciding not to take her is the right choice. She refuses to take any previously frozen milk and doesn't like cow's milk. So, I've been pumping like a mad woman since Tuesday to store as much "fresh milk" for her as possible. I've got about 30 oz. in there now and think I'll be able to add 15-20 more to the stash before I depart on Tuesday morning. So that'll give her about 10 oz. milk/day. The rest? I've told my mom and J to get as much food in her as possible, especially higher-fat foods like full-fat yogurt and cottage cheese (which she likes to eat) and offer her cow's milk at regular intervals. If she refuses the cow's milk then offer her water. Luckily, she's in the 90th percentile for weight so even if she drops a little weight while I am gone it won't be detrimental. I am hoping she'll take the cow's milk if she's really wanting milk and has had all of mine for the day. If it's gets desperate and she's hardly eating anything, they can give her a little fruit and vanilla ice cream milkshake. I've also asked my mom and J not to share too many details about how much she has or hasn't eaten or how much milk she's taken because it'll just make me insane to be a thousand miles away and unable to do anything about it.

Wish me luck. I hope it goes well for her. And me. And J and my mom. Right now I just have a pit in my stomach even thinking about it.

Fugalista: Thrill of the hunt!

2011-02-28T11:27:00.001-06:00

Yesterday was opening day for Just Between Friends Tulsa Spring Sale. I've been to four JBF events since November 2009 (two months before Libby's birth) and have always scored awesome deals. Like our gently used Arm's Reach Co-Sleeper for half-off of retail. Or her cute rolling/rocking pony for $10.00. She LOVES that thing! And I've always gone on the final day and snapped up all of the 50% deals, especially on clothing, where I have gotten full outfits for $1.00-3.00/each.

That said, I've never been on opening day with the general public. I did go the first time during the "new moms" time that is opened ahead of the general public. So, yesterday was quite the experience. It was PACKED! And frenetic. There were people pushing strollers full of items while they slung crying babies and toddlers on their hips. There were hugely pregnant women dragging laundry baskets overflowing with baby gear. The check-out line took 1.5 hours!

Armed with $100 bill and my list, I set out on my hunt. I am a major bugetzilla and frugalista. I love bargain shopping and think consignment is the way to go when you're a mom trying to keep up with a growing child! 95% of Libby's things are gently-used. Buying second-hand items are good for mama's wallet and good for mother earth too. I cannot imagine trying to fully outfit the nursery and layette and all of the things we've used in the 13 months of Libby's life if I had to pay full retail price!

I started with the toys and books. I snapped up this classic Fisher-Price Corn Popper Push Toy for $5.

And this awesome set of small, chunky board book ABC blocks for another five bucks. I had wanted to get this for her birthday, but hadn't gotten around to ordering it off of Amazon.

I got a slew of other books too. Libby's favorite things right now are books. She adores them. And we read through the ones she has over-and-over again, several hours a day. She has many of them memorized. She really likes the ones that have photos rather than illustrations and those are hard to find. So I snapped up three of those, including one with a built-in mirror that she can see herself in while she's looking at the pages. I also got two fabric, "quiet" books. One is peek-a-boo with fabric flaps that she can lift to find the characters. The other is a Taggie book, that is great for her to have in her crib.

Next up was clothing and shoes. Libby is wearing a 24 months/2T and her growth has dramatically slowed down since August. For the first half of her life she went up in size in her clothing about every 6-8 weeks! So by summer she was in a size 18 months! In December we moved her up to size 24 months/2 T. Carter's outfits tend to fit her really well and for quite a while, so I bought several cotton knit one-piece rompers and dresses with bloomers. The other thing I appreciate about Carter's is that their styling for babies and toddlers is age-appropriate. I find that many of the other affordable children's clothing lines (where brand-new outfits are $25 or less) are like scaled-down, mini-tween and teen designs. It's sad, really. Libby wears cloth diapers and is on the chunkier side, so she needs things that are roomy and stretchy. And even if she could fit in slimmer designs, I just don't get why babies and toddlers need skinny or boot-cut jeans and tops that look like mirco-versions of things that 18-year-olds wear.

Maybe it's because I am an "older" first-time mom and other moms are closer to being in their teen years than not, especially around here, but I just don't think it's cute at all to let littles dress like they're older. Even my tween niece wants to wear things that I would have worn when I was 16 or 17 years old! I feel like such a fuddy-duddy. I am not prude at all, but what's wrong with little girls looking like little girls? Even the shorts and things that are out now are super short! Like with a 2-inch inseam. And why do toddler's clothes not have fully-elasticized waists. I cannot find one pair of woven or denim bottoms that are full elasticized. So we're sticking with comfy, cotton knits. To each her own, but I think moms who let their little dress like they're older are going to be in a world of hurt once the kids are actually teens. I mean, if she's allowed to wear a bikini bathing suit at age 5 why not at 15? Daisy dukes are cute when you're 3 so why not at 13? I'm just not going to go there. If Libby is anything like her mama, she will develop early. And she won't need any help in the looking-older-than-her-age department.

*stepping off my soap-box*

To round out the spree, I got a darling pair of multi-colored sandals. Libby is really into shoes right now after she played with the corn popper push toy and looked at all her books she just had to try on the sandals! This morning, she wanted to put them on over her footed pajamas. Too cute! So it was $97.12 well-spent. Usually, I got back to JBF on the closing Saturday to get the 50% deals. But I don't think I will this time...even yesterday, her size-range was pretty picked over...probably all of the "early-bird" shoppers (those who volunteer, etc. get first dibs) and I am not interested in getting items that I feel are not really age-appropriate styling. That said, I think she'll be pretty well covered for this Spring and Summer, although I'd still like to find a swim suit. It's so nice to feel confident in her sizing...this time last year I had purchased 6-9 and 9-12 month clothing thinking it would last her through the summer and I was so wrong!

My Little Chickadee has Chicken Pox!

2011-02-26T20:01:00.004-06:00

Libby got the Varicella vaccine on the 10th, at her one year pedi appt. Earlier this week she had a low grade temp and runny nose and has been refusing almost all solids for the past 4-5 days. I chalked this up to teething since her molars are right under the gums. And having to go to the babysitter this week since my mom is out, I figured she's just feeling a little "off." Then, on the evening of the 23rd I noticed a few red bumps, including one that was oozing, in her diaper area. We have been treating her for a yeast diaper rash since the pedi appointment and I thought that this little bump might be due to chaffing in the area that is already rashy.

Yesterday, I put her down for a nap and when she woke up 2 hours later she had a red, swollen bump right under her right eye. I put some breast milk on it and in a few hours it was less swollen and looked like a little pimple. Later, during bath time, I noticed she had more pimple-like bumps...one behind her ear, several on her leg where she was injected (behind the knee, on her ankle, etc.). Today when she woke up she had two more bumps...one on her back and another one under her arm. All in all she has like 12-13 of them in random places all over her body.

So today I took her to the After Hours Pediatrician (which is open weekday evenings and all day on the weekends) since her regular pedi is closed on the weekends. The doctor said it could be chicken pox since it's a live, attenuated vaccine that is given. But she was adamant that it's very rare for children to develop bumps. The statistic is like 5%. She seemed very skeptical.

So I asked her, "Well, what else could it be?"

She said, "Do you have pets?"

I said, "Yes."

She said "It could be bug bites."

I told her that all of our animals are on flea preventatives and that none of them have been itching or scratching and neither me nor my husband have any bites. Not to mention we've just have tempertaures below freezing and thought that it was too cold for flea season to have already started. She didn't say anything after that.

Then I said, "Libby's usually not in daycare but has been this past week and is scheduled to go again this week. Given this situation, should I keep her home or is it safe to send her to the babysitter? She has a four year old and a four month old."

The doctor paused and said, "Well, the four year old has probably been vaccinated but since there's a four month old, she probably shouldn't go..."

So I said, "....so it's probably chicken pox...caused by the vaccine?"

Then the doctor said, "Well, even if it is chicken pox, it's a mild case and there's really not much we can do for it. I can give you a script for some anti-itch cream..."

Arg! This woman simply would not confirm that it is actually chicken pox nor would she admit that it was most likely caused by the vaccine. I am beyond annoyed.

First of all, J asked the nurse at the pedi's office if Libby could get chicken pox from the vaccine and the nurse said no because it wasn't a live virus they were giving her. Well that's false. Secondly, had we known this we would have waited to give her the vaccine, especially since we knew that my mom is out-if-town and therefore we'd be up a creek if Libby couldn't go to the babysitter.

So now, I am taking time off work, J is skipping classes and has resigned himself to take an incomplete on his assignments this week. He doesn't get them until Wednesday and they're due at Noon on Friday. He's been struggling to get them in on time with my mom out of town because he's watching Libby during the day on Thursday and Friday while I am at work. He does the best he can, staying up late after he gets home from work on Wednesday and Thursday nights and squeezing in more homework when Libby naps, but it's been tough. This week, I actually took Friday morning off so he could get the assignment in by Noon.

What's even more irritating is that the other students in his cohort have until Mondays to turn in their assignments. He a small group other students got stuck with a clinical instructor known to be a hard-ass and purposely makes it difficult for her students. It's totally unfair. And might mean the difference between J passing this class or having to repeat it. He's going to make a formal complaint and ask to be switched to a different instructor, who allows assignments to be turned in on Mondays. I have no idea if they'll accommodate his request.

What's more, this is probably the worst week for me to be out of the office. Although I have plenty of leave time accrued and can use it, the timing is just really bad. We've had 5 snow days this month and I have some big projects that are due April 1. Next week, I'll be in Chicago for a conference. Ugh. So I am going to try and work from home...while I am looking after my little with chicken pox.

I am trying to make her as comfortable as possible. Bless her heart, she's not scratching. But she's cranky and clingy. I gave her a lukewarm, colloidal oatmeal bath and we're giving her acetaminophen. And snuggling a lot. Poor baby.

The silver lining in all of this is that she and I will have a lot of quality time together this week, which is good since I'll be leaving her for 5 days and 4 nights next week. I've never been away from her for longer than 18 hours, so I am anxious about this trip. But she'll be in good hands, my mom will be home and with her 24/7 and J will be here too.

I just hope to be able to leave enough pumped milk for her (she refuses all frozen BM). The plan is to pump as much as I can, starting this Tuesday, and leave it in the fridge for her. The stuff I pump this Tuesday, they'll use first next week and so on. Perhaps being being away will also convince her to take cow's milk? It's been introduced, but she basically refuses it. I am going to pump 4-5 times a day while I am gone and bring the milk home to give to the baby to whom I've been donating my extra milk. I still need to read up how to do that with the TSA. *sigh*

It's times like these that I really wish I was a SAHM. I know it's not easy to SAH, but it's not easy to be a working mom either. Especially one who has to travel away from home. Let's face it, being a mom just isn't easy, no matter how you slice it.

Bonding Over Breastmilk

2011-02-24T20:55:00.002-06:00

It's fairly common knowledge that breastfeeding is a great way to bond with your baby. But I had no idea that breastfeeding would lead me to bond with other mothers. And make friends with them. Case in point. The mama with whom I went to the aquarium last weekend and I met while sitting in her chair at a recent dental appointment. I asked her if the numbing agent was approved for breastfeeding mothers. She said it was and we proceeded to chat (as much as one can with a numb mouth and dental tools in it) about the joys and trials of being working mothers who breastfeed. We hit it off and soon discovered many other things in common.

And, I have bonded with the mother to whom I've been donating breastmilk. So much so, this week, she and her husband looked after Libby for us while I was at work and J was in class. My mom is out-of-town this week and next so she can be with her sister, who just had a double bypass, and we needed an alternative daycare situation. This mom stays-at-home with her four-year-old and four-month-old daughters. Her husband works second shift, like J, and is home during the day. So as soon as we learned we'd need someone to babysit, I contacted them with the proposal. Much to our joy, they said, "yes, no problem." What a relief. So Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday this week, we packed Libby up and dropped her off at their place.

We've never had to do the whole daycare drop-off and pick-up routine so it's been a learning curve for all of us. She was there on Monday from 8:15 a.m. until 2:45 p.m., Tuesday from 8:15 a.m. until 12:45 p.m. and Wednesday from 8 a.m. until 12:30 p.m. She'll do the same next week. I offered to pay them and they said, "just keep giving us your milk." But that didn't feel right. So I have them some cash on Wednesday. And will do the same next week. I don't want them to feel that we're taking advantage of a new friendship. And they've really helped us out, so the least we could do is give them some "fun money."

Here's two iPhone pics that were taken of Libby by my firend while she was watching her this week. She posted them to my FB for me so I could see how Libby was doing while I was at work. So sweet!

This week has also made me extra grateful for the fact that my mom usually watches Libby during the week. Libby can sleep until she's ready to wake and we don't have to rush around and get her into the car and to daycare. It's so nice to be able to have Libby stay home, even if it's not with me. At least for now. When she's older, I would like her to go to preschool a couple day a week to socialize and begin preparing for school.

Speaking of which, we had our third Parents as Teachers home visit this week. I cannot say enough about how wonderful this program is. We've learned SO much in the three months we've been participating. I cannot believe it's free! I plan to donate some materials, like books and art supplies to our PAT educator as a thank you. Libby is developing way ahead in most areas and in some ways I know we've got our work cut out for ourselves to stay one step ahead of her! Last week, in the bath, she used two cups that we have in there (to help with shampooing her hair, etc.) to pour one into the other. Apparently these are called "transfer skills" and not something that toddlers her age can typically do. What's more, she always only uses the smaller one to pour into the larger one (the small one is 2 oz. and the large one is 6 oz.) which is also considered advanced problem solving and not something one year olds are usually capable of doing. Pretty neat, huh?

A Great Day

2011-02-19T20:44:00.001-06:00

Today started with a quickie photo session in downtown Tulsa. I met our photographer near 4th and Elgin (down the street from the bus station) to snap some "urban" photos with Libby. Here's a sneak peek:

I had seen this location a lot in other photos and just knew I wanted some of Libby there too. Well, I almost changed my mind once we actually got there. As cool as this near-abandoned building with peeling aqua paint over brink and chipped red doors and stairs looks, well, it's down a back alley with broken out windows and abandoned shopping carts. It was dirty and smelled like pee. And right across from where we were shooting there was a homeless couple and their VERY large pit bull trying to catch some shut eye in one of the abandoned and dilapidated buildings. I think we took them by surprised. They watched us, but didn't say anything. As soon as we were done they got up and came out, but again, only after we had moved on...as I drove away I felt sad for them. I wondered what might had happened in their lives to lead them to the place where they spend the night in abandoned buildings. And I've seriously thought about trying to gathering up some things...food, water, blankets, etc. and bringing them back down there for them tomorrow.

I won't lie, something felt surreal about taking my freshly scrubbed baby, in her cute outfit (I already had everything except the cute pinafore, which I got from here), to have photos taken there. But then I saw this shot and was glad that we did it. I hope, someday, that when Libby is grown, she might return to this place (if it's still there) and have photos taken again. It's the first time I've taken her downtown (other than just passing through in our car) and I said to her, "This is YOUR city baby girl. This is where you're from...Tulsa!" I have always felt deeply connected to San Francisco, where I was born and raised, and I wonder if Libby will feel that way about Tulsa. I guess we'll have to wait and see...I am sure it will be somewhat determined by how long we stay here.

We came home and had some lunch and Libby napped. As soon as she was up we got ready and headed to the Oklahoma Aquarium to meet up with my new friend L and her daughter A. A is two months younger than Libby. And 8 pounds lighter! But they're SO cute together. A wanted to touch Libby's hair. And Libby wanted to touch A's face and even gave her a kiss on the forehead. L and I took the girls around the aquarium which was quite busy since it was a Saturday. L is a working mama and we actually met in December when I was a client where she works. We hit it off immediately and chatted like old friends. I saw her again in January and invited them to Libby's birthday party. We've chatted on Facebook and are developing a nice friendship, which I so appreciate. It's been tough to be here and not have any girlfriends. But finally, after 2.5 years of living here, it's starting to happen. And I am SO grateful. L is younger than me (she's in her late 20's) but I feel like we click and can relate. I admire her greatly...she lost her first daughter on February 18, 2009, at just 4 days old. So this past week was the anniversary of her birth and death. And I thought L might not be up for a play date after such an emotional week. But she was. And she was great company and her little A was just precious. Obviously, with A almost 1 years old, L got pregnant again fairly soon after loosing her first little one. I cannot imagine the heartbreak. It must be bittersweet to be planning A's first birthday and remembering the first daughter she lost just two years ago. I look forward to developing our budding friendship and seeing the girls have more fun play dates together. Who knows, maybe A and Libby will be posing together for their senior portraits in downtown Tulsa someday?

First Haircut

2011-02-17T19:02:00.027-06:00

Monday was our 10th Valentine's day together. It was Libby's second and to celebrate, she got her first haircut! My mom was taking a bath with her and while she played with her bath toys my mom combed and snipped her bangs (since they've been hanging in her eyes). That's it! Super quick. It came out cute and she's definitely looking more like a toddler now. Her walking is getting better and better each day and while she still crawls when she wants to get somewhere or something quickly, she's walking more and more.

We decided to celebrate Valentine's Day on the 15th. We don't really do much...usually just a dinner date. This year we decided to check out The Green Onion. It wasn't bad. The food was tasty and generous portions. We both ordered fish...I had the blackened Ahi and J ordered the stuffed salmon. He couldn't say enough about their famous potato! Dessert was yummy too...fresh apple pie a la mode for me and chocolate bread pudding for him. It was sorta empty while we were there but the service was slow. We had to ask for forks after the salad came and went. And the place looks like it's stuck in 1979. I swear, I was looking for Jack Tripper (from Three's Company) to show up any minute! LOL. But the food was good and the company was GREAT! We've not had a date night for a while and enjoyed just having some couple time together. Before heading to dinner, I got home and the weather was amazing so we took Libby up to La Fortune Park and played in the playground with her. She went down the slide and crawled on the equipment. She had fun watching all of the other kids too.

My mom left today to be in Portland with her sister as she has a bypass. It's scary and my mom is anxious for sure. The surgery is on the 23rd so please send healing and positive vibes to my aunt. With my mom gone that means it's just me and J looking after Libby. Normal, right? Well, we like out "village." My mom helps us so much! Especially now that J is in clinical classes by day and still working nights at the restaurant. So we're punting a bit. She'll be gone two weeks, come home for a week (to help J with Libby while I am at a conference in Chicago, for work) and then return to Portland for another week. Libby will be staying with our friends while J is in class and I am at work. This is the family I met in October. They'd just adopted a baby girl and were looking for donated breast milk for her. So, I gave them my whole freezer stash and have been donating whatever I can pump during the week to them. We've become friends and had a few visits with them. They came to Libby's birthday party and we went to their older daughter's birthday party the following week. The wife is a SAHM and the husband works second shift and is home in the daytime. So we felt comfortable with leaving Libby with them and are so grateful they said "yes" when we asked! I just pray that Libby is amenable and not too crabby or difficult for them to handle. Luckily, their older daughter, who just turned four, plays nicely with Libby and is a good distraction for her. That said, I know Libby will be missing my mom.

Today, I had a late teleconference at work, so J was off and home with Libby all day. It's been a while since he's had her all to himself for that many hours. He's such a great dad and I am sure they had fun having the time together. I picked up take-out from the new Thai Bamboo Bistro that just opened. It was just okay. We love Thai food, but to us the food just tasted like generic American-style Asian food. You know what I mean? Like mall food court Asian food. And it was SUPER salty so I bet they use MSG. We probably won't eat there again. We'll stick with Lanna Thai which is tasty and seems way more authentic.

First Haircut

2011-02-14T20:25:00.001-06:00

Libby's hair has been hanging in her face, giving her a Justin Bieber-esque look:

So, during her bath tonight, my mom clipped her hair:

It still looks wispy and babyish but without the scraggly hairs hanging in her eyes.

Sneak Peeks!

2011-02-12T16:43:00.004-06:00

Here's three shots from this morning's session!

This was the toughest session yet because Libby is SO mobile now and wanted to be into everything...and didn't want to sit/stand still in front of the camera. That little black chair I picked up for $30 from Ross last night. It's velvet and has sparkly buttons where the tufting is. I gifted it to Malisa for all of the great photos she's done for us in last 14 months!

The nursing shots were a no-go because as soon as she latched on a Malisa starting snapping she'd pop off the breast to see what was happening. So, I guess I'll have to have my mom or J try to take some nursing photos of us. I am happy with how the cake turned out...it has a TON of frosting on it...not so great for eating, but GREAT for photos! Libby did as we expected and picked the sprinkles off and ate some of the frosting...no smashing whatsoever!

Last Baby Bundle Photo Shoot

2011-02-11T23:39:00.000-06:00

Tomorrow, I am meeting with our photog, Malisa Morgan Waldrop, to shoot Libby's 12 month session. She's been shooting us since our maternity session...she's done newborn, 3-6-9 months sessions with us. Tomorrow wraps up our package with her, although I am sure we'll be taking her up on the mini sessions she offers throughout the year!

Tomorrow, we're going to do some black and white nursing shots (I requested this, since I want to remember this special time in our relationship as mother and child), then do some Valentine shots (even though they won't be done in time to use for Vday) and then some birthday cake smash shots. I am baking a cake as I type...hope it comes together the way I have it pictured in my head. I bought one of those Big Top huge cupcake molds and am attempting to make a Jumbo Cupcake for Libby to smash. I was inspired by the cakes that photog Heidi Hope uses for her cake smash portraits. Or in her case...most likely pick the sprinkles off the frosting. She did this at her birthday party and again, a week later, at a friend's daughter's birthday party.

So we shall see...in any case, she'll be super cute...

I got this adorable ensemble from Ruffle Butts:

I got the headband and red bloomers. I am going to add a string of pearls and we'll have in in front of a black/white damask backdrop.

Then I have the tutu, hat and bib that didn't make it in time for her party. The hat is too big so I doubt she'll keep it on, we might just have to put it next to her or the cake. The tutu is adorable, now that I redid it (the original only have 11" of elastic and it was FULLY extended and did not even go over her legs!). I added polka dotted ribbons for extra fun! I have some balloons left over from her party, so we'll add that for some pizazz! Hope it comes together...it's all so adorable in my head!

More snow! Another short work week...

2011-02-09T07:55:00.005-06:00

So Monday was back to the daily grind after 6 days home due to record-setting snowfall here in Tulsa. I was feeling cabin fever and ready to get out, as I had not been out of the house for a week. My "uniform" as of late has been comfy flannel PJs, a nursing tank and fuzzy slipper socks! It felt odd to actually get dressed in real clothes and put on a bra and shoes!

I pretty much despise Mondays, as a rule, except that after Libby was born on a Monday, my heart has softened just a tad towards them. But drudging to work at 6:45 a.m. after a nice cozy weekend at home with the family is always tough. This week though, I was ready to get back to the office and try to catch up on the stuff that didn't get done last week.

On Monday, I arrived at my usual 7 a.m. to find that the roof in my assistant's office had leaked (again!) but this time her carpet was soaked and it traveled under the wall to my office (next door). Ugh. Despite the management's best efforts, we continually have this leaking roof problem on our side of the building anytime there is heavy rain and apparently, snow. We relocated my assistant to the vacant office on the other side of mine and a restoration crew showed up quickly to pull out the soaked ceiling tiles, insulation, and get to the task of drying out the carpets. My assistant settled quickly into her new digs. Me? I had the LOVELY task of trying to get my work done while being 10 inches from one of these:

If you've never seen one of these, let me tell you. They suck. Literally. As in, they'll suck the humidity out of everything, including your body. That may have been a welcome effect, since I am still suffering with a runny rose and stuffy head, but unfortunately, it just exacerbated the situation for me. It was so bad that I had to get some ultra-healing Blistex to take care of my chapped lips from Walgreen's on my way home on Monday afternoon! And these lovely fans are not quiet. They're right up there with the decibel level of a hair dryer. So after six hours or so of this I had ringing ears and a headache too. It's a wonder I was able to get any work done. Anytime the phone would ring, I'd have to turn the fan off so I could take the call. Guess that was the one plus to it being located less than a foot away from me. At least I could switch it off quickly!

I left for the day and when I returned on Tuesday, the fan was still going! I checked my carpet and it was dry. The restoration crew showed up a few hours later and I told them I couldn't work another day with it blasting me out. They said, "okay" and then took it away. I felt relieved. Until they came back with a BIGGER one and asked me to just turn it on when I left for the day. No problem. Except, as I type this, I cannot remember if I actually did that. Oops. I hope I did, but I am not certain. And since we got 5-8" of new snow overnight, there's no way I am going back up there to double-check. Maybe my nice assistant did, before she left for the afternoon (she leaves 90 minutes after I do). Guess we'll have to wait and see. It'll be at least a day before the office opens again. And just about a hour north of us? They got 12-18" of snow. And with the windchill factor we're sitting at -7 this morning. Eek. Let's just say our home is not really cut out for below-freezing temps. We have hardwood and tile floors, old windows and crappy insulation. We've been running our gas heater 24/7 AND have space heaters in each bedroom. Problem is, we have to alternate running those or else we blow fuses. Yes, fuses. Those old-school-screw-in kind. I am SO ready to move! But since we're renting I don't want to move to another rent house. I want us to buy. Not sure if we're quite ready for that just yet, so we're stuck here, for now.

So, today we're hunkering down for another snow day. And thankfully, it's supposed to warm up to "normal" temps on Friday. We had to reschedule Libby's smash cake photo session from last Saturday to this coming one, so I hope we'll still get to do it. She has her 1 year check-up at the pedi tomorrow morning and hopefully we won't need to reschedule it. All this snow has just shut down the daily comings-and-goings of folks around here. And we're SO ready for it to be done. And while I am usually way ahead of deadline at work, these office closings have made one of my project's Friday deadline a little scary. I think we'll still be able to meet it, but I won't know for certain until tomorrow. If I have to delay it, I am sure everyone will understand, but I just hate missing deadlines.

Working Mother's Second Shift

2011-02-08T20:35:00.007-06:00

I am used to walking in the door after work and Libby having a slight meltdown. I don't know why, but she cries in a little panicky way when she sees me after I've been gone all day. I try to offload my purse and pump bag, get the parts into the sink, the melted ice pack into the freezer and remove my jewelry and shoes in 1.5 seconds so I can scoop her up before she's pulling on my pant legs which prevents me from being able to move an inch! This afternoon, after work, I got home and Libby was even more clingy than usual (if you can imagine)! Like, I-cannot-even-change-out-of-my-work-clothes-or-use-the-bathroom-alone clingy. I chalk it up to the fact that she had mommy home for six whole days last week and then BAM! I was back at work (and even worked through lunch yesterday so I didn't have my usual lunch date with her).

Anyway, J had an extended day at school (since they anticipate closing tomorrow due to more snow) and my mom had two clients and some errands. I needed to get Libby fed and make dinner so that when J got home he'd be fed too. We played and nursed and I even managed to fold and put away two baskets of clean clothes. No small feat when your cute one-year-old's favorite game is opening the drawer you just filled and pulling all the clothes out onto the floor! After that, I got her settled into her high chair with some food while I got our dinner going (usually we all eat the same meal together but Libby has to have dinner by 5 p.m. or she's a wreck and J wasn't due home until 6 p.m.).

Once she was finished eating, she started to fuss, so I cleaned her up and popped her on my back in the Ergo. I've only back-carried her once and had help getting her on so I wasn't even sure I could do it myself. But I did! And it allowed me another 30-minutes to finish what I needed to do, while keeping Libby close. I love that carrier! And so does she! She also loves pulling my hair when she's on my back, so I need to remember that my hair must be up and out of her reach before I put her back there!

Soon, J was home, we ate and then it was time to get Libby ready for bed. That's the downside to not being a SAHM. I basically get 3-4 hours a day with Libby. And that includes the 30-minutes I see her at lunchtime because I come home to nurse her. It does not include the 30-60 minutes in the middle of the night that I spend nursing/rocking her when she wakes up! Right now she only goes down for 4-5 hours at a stretch. Since she's been sleeping in her crib for about a month now, my next goal is to night wean her. But that means getting more calories into her by day because she's a bit of a reverse cycler. So that's the next step.

I've been reading different ways to do this, but I want it to be as gentle as possible. I don't want her to be hungry at night. Right now, when she wakes, I can hear her tummy growling and she does a full feed, not just a snack or comfort nursing. So, we'll start by trying to get more calories into her by day and see if that doesn't help the night waking a bit. My goal is to have her down from at least 11 p.m. until 5 a.m. without waking. Right now she goes down at 7 p.m. Wakes around 11 p.m. and nurses for about 10 minutes. Then sleeps until 3 a.m. and nurses again. And then stays asleep until 7:30-8 a.m. I'd love to drop that 3 a.m. feed and make it 5 a.m. when I get up for work anyway. And I hope if I do this she'll still want to go back to sleep until 8 a.m. or so, otherwise getting ready for work will be tough. If she's awake and I am home, she wants me and only me. She doesn't get that her mama has to get ready for work and out the door by 6:45 a.m. That said, If I can move the 3 a.m. feed to 5 a.m. and get her back down for another three hours or so, I'll be thrilled.

We're supposed to get another snow storm tonight and I anticipate that I'll be home from work tomorrow. I will enjoy my time home with family. The plus to all of this bad weather has been lots of quality time just playing and reading with Libby. Being home from work, I've gotten a small taste of what my life as a SAHM might be like. I don't know if I'd actually be cut out for it long-term. I find that I have way more patience for parenting when I've not been doing it 24/7. Is that awful? I watched the movie "Babies" last night and after seeing what the Namibian and Mongolian moms had to do all day, everyday, it made me feel like my life (and Libby's) is a cakewalk!

It also reminded me that babies and kids just need the basics to be happy...food and shelter...and LOTS of love from their family members and community.

Blizzard 2011: Day Five

2011-02-05T11:34:00.001-06:00

Okay, I am done with the snow. Seriously. When did I sign up to live where it snows? I don't remember that being part of the deal when we decided to move here. Tornadoes? Sure. Sweltering summers? Yep. Thousands of miles from the nearest ocean beach? Okay. But snow? Nope. Not on the checklist.

I'll admit, when it's just a one- or two-day snowfall, it can be fun. You get the day off work and can snuggle close with the ones you love. But day five of unrelentless cold and feet of snow piled everywhere is not fun. I have literally not been out of the house since Monday afternoon. Nor have I been out of my pajamas!

On top of all of this, I am sick. Sneezing, coughing, plugged up head, sick. It sucks. But I still have my mama-duties...nursing Libby at 11 p.m. and 2 a.m. Settling her back down. Hoping I am not breathing on her too much. The last thing I want (or need) is for her to get what I've got.

And the cabin fever? It got to the point last night where we let her watch a Thomas the Train DVD. Despite deciding not to show her any TV until at least the age of two, my mom brought home the DVD yesterday. She just HAD to get out of the house and ended up at CVS. And the movie was there and on sale, so she got it. You know, "just in case." "Just in case" what? Well, it was nearing bedtime and Libby was all ramped up. So after several failed attempts at getting the nigh-night routine going, we all climbed into my mom's bed (she's the only one with a TV in the house) and watched about 15 minutes of Thomas the Train. What a weird show. The only thing I like is that Alec Baldwin does the narrations. But it did the trick, Libby calmed down and then we could start her bedtime routine. Two hours later than normal, but we got there nonetheless.

We also finally defrosted the washing machine pipes and are getting to those poopy diapers. Yuck. I swear, INSIDE laundry is one of the TOP priorities for us when we get our next house. Heading into meat locker conditions to wash a load of laundry is unbearable. So is the opposite...when it feels like sauna in the summer. So yeah, INSIDE laundry will be right after 4 bedrooms, 3 bathrooms and a gas range for the next house we get. The rest? Negotiable.

Flashback: On this day last year...

2011-02-04T15:00:00.003-06:00

We took these:

Libby was just 10 days old and it was our first time out since he pedi follow-up when she was just two days old. We spent about four hours at the photographer's studio and MOST of the time was spent comforting a crying newborn. We nursed and rocked and she cried some more. In fact I was just about to call it quits, I had never heard her cry or be so upset, and then, right on cue, she fell into a deep sleep and we were able to get these incredible newborn photos. I am so glad we did. I know I'll cherish them always and I hope that someday, Libby will love them just as much as I do.

Blizzard 2011: Day Four

2011-02-04T10:59:00.000-06:00

It's snowing! Again. We haven't had any new snow since Tuesday, when ALL 14 inches fell within a 24 hour period. Oh boy! It sure is pretty to watch it fall, but the mess it makes afterwards is not pretty at all. On top of it, I am sick. Started yesterday with a scratchy throat. Overnight it developed into full on aches and pains, sore throat, stuffy nose and a fever. The fever broke this morning around 8 a.m. Being as I have been at home 24/7 since Monday evening, I am guessing I picked up the bug at work sometime on Monday. I ran into a few coworkers who were coughing and sneezing. Thanks a lot! Add cabin fever to my real fever and a cranky, fussy baby and well, let's just say I've had better days. And it's only 11 a.m. Hope things improve from here, I really do.

Blizzard 2011: Day Three

2011-02-03T16:48:00.000-06:00

No pics today. We're all a little stir crazy and just trying to stay out of each other's hair. J's work has been canceled, so has mom's clients. Libby's teething (again)...one year molars pushing on up. So she's clingy and cranky. I am feeling run down...not sure if I am coming down with something or if it's just due to lack of sleep (because of the aforementioned teething baby) or because our house gets downright cold (despite running our heaters 24/7) and my feet have been cold for days! Tonight? I hope to just get the baby to bed around 7 p.m. and do the same. I already know that I have tomorrow off from work due to the weather...they're predicting MORE snow too...so I bet J will be off work as well. Day four? Bring it on!

Blizzard 2011: Day Two

2011-02-02T20:47:00.000-06:00

Tulsans are still digging their way out of record-breaking snow and freezing temperatures. Yesterday goes on record as the most snow ever for the area, at 14 inches, and the snowiest February as well! We've been a little stir crazy, three adults, four dogs, a cat and a toddler in a 1300 sq. ft. house can be a bit much of too much togetherness!

I had today off work, again and tomorrow has been canceled too. Today, I finally finished my Pregnancy Journal on Mixbook.com. It was the last day to get 30% off and that was just the push I needed to finally finish this project that I started this time last year! It should arrive on the 16th and I hope I like it as much in person as I do online. I am considering using them to make Libby's first year memory book. So we shall see.

Here are some photos from our snow days...

We remembered to bring Libby's swing in from the backyard before the storm hit.

Today, she looked out the window and was wondering where it went!

Our stroller, on the other hand, we thought would be safe enough on our porch. Um, yeah...not so much.

Mom and J spent about 3 hours digging out our driveway

I tried to get some laundry done, but alas, the water pipes are frozen. We put a work lamp on them in hopes that they'll thaw a bit. Our bucket of poopy (cloth) diapers, that we keep in the garage near the washer, was frozen solid too. Hmm...poopsicle? Yuck. We like to wash our cloth diapers every other day, so I hope that the pipes will thaw soon so I can get them in there and cleaned! Tomorrow's another snow day and I've got to do something productive! I might just have to bust out the glue gun and get some DIY craft projects done...you know the one's I never have time to complete? Seems like right now, all I got is time. Might as well put it to some good use. That and I think I'll nap...it's been way to long since I've been able to do that!

Blizzard 2011

2011-02-01T13:08:00.003-06:00

This time last year, we had some snow. It was only a few days after Libby was born so January 28-29, 2010. I remember it because we had to take her to the pediatrician for a weight check and janudice test. The roads hadn't been cleared and J drove so cautiously the 2 miles up to the doctor's office.

This year, our annual January snow storm is much worse! We've known since Friday that this was coming, so we're prepared. People are bit freaked out though, I guess they're remembering the Ice Storm of 2007 and want to be as prepared as possible. The stores are all picked over and sold out of bread, eggs and milk. And bananas! Who buys bananas in an emergency? Weird. Anyway, here's a screen shot of Weather.com from this morning:

They're predicting record snow fall and wind chill factors below zero. The constant snow fall and the blowing winds started in the wee hours last night, I could hear the ting-ting-ting of ice rain falling on our cars just outside our bedroom windows. And the wind howling. Awoke this morning to a winter wonderland with about a foot of snow!

My office is closed today, as are most places, including all schools and the major shopping malls. At this rate, I am thinking tomorrow might be more of the same! I just hope we don't lose power. As long as there's power, we'll be okay. If we lose power, we're going to get to a hotel because we have no fireplace and no means of keeping warm.

The dogs are beside themselves. Normally, even in snow, they'll go out. But they've never been in snow this deep before. They insisted on testing it this morning:

They didn't last ten seconds! So...we're just passing the time. It's days like this I wish we still had a TV (we turned off the cable and donated ours to AmVets in August). We might watch a movie later...on the computer. We've played games and read books. Libby and grandma even colored with crayons for a little while:

Times like this call for comfort food! Yesterday afternoon, I made a big pot of chili and baked up some cornbread muffins. Today, we've already had Malt-o-meal with brown sugar and toasted cheese sandwiches and chicken noodle soup. Brownies will be baking shortly. We're passing the time with yummy food and music playing on the CD player.

Making friends...creating a village all my own!

2011-01-29T21:54:00.005-06:00

I have lamented on here more than once about not having a circle of friends here in Tulsa. Well, that's changed! As you can see from Libby's birthday post, we had a nice gathering of folks. Who are they!? Our new friends! One gal, I actually met online before I ever thought about moving here. She was married in Hawaii and we "met" online in a forum for brides getting married in the islands. We've gotten together a handful of time since I've moved here but she's super busy as a SAHM to three littles and I work during the week so it's hard for our calendars to align. She also travels a bunch with her family since her hubby works for American Airlines. Anyway, she's a great gal and whenever we do get together we have the best time!

The second family, we met in October. They've just adopted a new baby and really wanted to feed her breast milk. So they looked for local donors and voila! They happened to contact me just as I was debating what to do with a freezer overflowing with frozen milk that Libby had NO INTEREST in drinking. I was days away from heading to Seattle for two weeks and told J that if the milk disappeared (read: was thrown away) while I was out-of-town to make room in the freezer, I'd understand. But there was no way I was going to dump all that milk myself! There was well over 100 oz.! And I was devastated just to have to dump 30 oz. when I discovered my excess lipase issue back in March! Anyway, long story short, this family contacted us and we gave them all of our frozen milk. I continue to freeze what I can (although I've been pumping less and less now that Libby is older) and give it to them. They've had us over for a couple of visits and are just the nicest people! They're originally from California, so we have that in common as well.

And finally, my newest friend is actually my dental hygienist. I met her in December when I went to a new dentist for a routine dental cleaning. Turns out pregnancy and a less-than-attentive previous dentist created some issues that needed resolving. FOUR appointments later, it's been taken care of and I got a new friend out of the deal! I knew I liked her as soon as I saw a framed photo of her pet pug dog in her office. It turns out that she's got a daughter just a couple of months younger than Libby and we immediately clicked. We talked about being working moms, breastfeeding/pumping, in-laws and mothers, and life. Even though we had just met and most of our conversation had been between work in my mouth, I brought her a birthday invite and hoped she could make it to the party. She did and we're going to take the girls to the aquarium in a few weeks. I appreciate that she's a working mama and knows how hard it is to balance being a mom, a career-woman and a wife.

So it goes...I'm developing a little circle of friends. We've been here 2.5 years and it's finally starting to happen. I am SO grateful!

Purchases for Lil' Missy!

2011-01-27T20:25:00.001-06:00

This frugalista mama loves a good bargain! And boy have I gotten a handful today! First up are these two items I bought from Zulily today:

By Best Friend by Little Adventure

Orange & Fuchsia Flower Power Flip Skirt Set - Toddler & Girls

Includes tee, pants and reversible tutu

Hardcover picture book / 25 pages

Written by Andrea Alban Gosline

Illustrated by Lisa Burnette Bossi

Publisher: Scholastic Press

Next up is a crib set I've had bookmarked since before Libby was born:

Simply Shabby Chic Candy Patchwork Crib Bedding

I know it seems odd to be purchasing a crib set now that she's one year old, but she's only been consistently sleeping in her crib for the past three weeks. Until now, the crib has basically been a safe place for her to play for a few minutes while we used the restroom or got the laundry out of the dryer. She had napped in it maybe a half dozen times or so. We bedshared from the time she was about 10 days old until just shy of one year. It worked beautifully until a few weeks ago when none of us were sleeping well. She'd toss and turn and thrash all night and we each took turns leaving the bed and rocking her for hours on end until she'd fall asleep. Then we'd try to lay her back down into the bed with us and she's awaken immediately. It was quite miserable. Finally, on Monday, January 10 I resolved myself to launch "operation sleep-in-your-crib." We basically resorted to CIO because all of the other more gentler tactics just aggrevated Libby and made her more upset. I've spent months reading all of the sleep books, from Pantley's No Cry Sleep Solution to Tracy Hogg's The Baby Whisperer; Dr. Sears and Dr. Jay Gordon and Ferber and Weissbluth.

I am not going to lie, the first night was hard. On me. Libby screamed and cried for about 30 minutes and then wound down to a fussy wimper. I had told J that we'd let it go one hour and reassess this approach. It was a killer. I cried in our room (we share a wall with hers) as I listened to her cry. We've never really let her cry, other than when we've been in the car and had no opportunity to stop. So to hear her wailing for an hour was rough. Around the one hour mark she had settled down considerably but was still wimpering. We decided to give it 10 more minutes. And wonder of wonders, she fell asleep! She slept in her crib two hours before waking, at which point I brought her into bed with us. I was emotionally exhausted. We got a great night's sleep though. The next day I felt awful and totally second-guessed my decision to transition her to her own bed/room and to do it by using CIO. But when I saw her that afternoon when I came home from lunch she was a smiling, happy, well-rested baby.

The next night we did the same thing and she fussed for 30-minutes before falling asleep. She slept for five hours before waking, at which point I brought her to our bed. The third night was similar. The fourth night she was out in 15 minutes and when she woke in the night I went to her room, nursed her and she went back to sleep in her crib. Same thing again on the fifth night. Night six she was out in five minutes and stayed in her bed all night and it's basically been that way ever since.

I never imagined I'd ever use CIO, but Libby needed it. And so did we. And I feel good about waiting until she was nearly a year old and can understand what we say. We talked about her sleeping in her own bed and she now brings us her favorite blanket and says, "nigh-night" and we nurse and rock and then I put her in her crib drowsy, but awake. Sometimes she fusses for a few minutes and sometimes not. Sometimes she babbles to herself for a few minutes and then goes to sleep.

Anyway, in honor of this transition, I decided it was time to officially outfit her crib with proper bedding. She's old enough now to use the quilt and we put a set of plain bumpers I got as a hand-me-down in there this summer when she was flopping over and bumping her head all the time when she was in there. I have a collection of random, gently-used crib sheets. So I am excited to get this set. It will be there when she's ready for us to convert the bed to a toddler and then youth bed. And it matches the quilt I've got on her daybed.

And finally, I scored this awesome wooden toddler-sized table and chairs for $40.00 off Craigslist:

Kid Kraft Table and Chairs in Natural

There were some random crayon and marker sribbles on the table top and one of the chairs, but some elbow grease and a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser cleaned it right up! Libby was SO excited to see it! She loves it!

Happy First Birthday!

2011-01-25T20:00:00.132-06:00

One year ago today, Elizabeth Joan entered this world at 7:04 p.m. That single moment has changed our lives forever. Today is bittersweet for this mama...my little baby is now a toddler. And wouldn't you know it!? Right on cue, she walked this evening. We were having our monthly visit from the local Parents as Teachers educator and Libby walked across her room to me. It was incredible. She's been walking behind her push toy for weeks and toddling 3-5 steps on her own for the past few days so we knew it was coming. It's exciting to see that she's taking this next step (literally and figuratively) towards independent person-hood.

Earlier today, I was feeling a bit melancholy and wrote this letter to my little Libby:

I cannot believe you are one year old today. How is that 365 days have come and gone since you were first placed in my arms? I can remember that moment as if it were only second ago! You were so small, but strong and latched right on, nursing away at my right breast. I remember the tufts of soft, downy, brown hair, your full lips and your long arms. After 39 weeks and 3 days of anticipation, you had arrived! 7:04 p.m. on Monday, January 25, 2010 has changed our lives forever. You have made this world a better, brighter place...making each day more joyful and full of love.

This past year, as you’ve met your milestones and grown into this wonderful, budding little person brimming with curiosity, creativity, humor and delight, I’ve been growing and changing with you, every step of the way. I am learning what it means to be your mother. To love more freely, extend patience more generously and to connect with my own childlike wonder. I love to see your discovery new things...the grass on the ground or the leaves on the trees. To see your face light up as you gazed upon the Christmas tree for the first time is something I’ll never forget. I’ll also cherish our wee morning hours, just the two us, rocking and nursing the time away. Many times, I have shed soft, silent tears as I looked upon you all snuggled to my breast in the crook of my arm. I know that these days as a nursling are numbered and soon, you’ll be too busy to crawl into my arms. I am so glad that we’ve been blessed by our nursing relationship and have had this special time together over the past year to bond, just mama and baby. It’s already been two whole weeks that you’ve been sleeping in your own room, in your own bed. I’ve relished the time we had together each night, snuggled in the cocoon of our family bed. And I know that in the years to come, we’ll have little moments of that now and then...on a stormy night or when you’re not feeling well or when your dreams have been a little too terrifying...and you’ll crawl into our big bed and I’ll remember all these days when we snuggled together when you were just a little baby.

Finding the words to describe how I feel as your mother fail me. What can I say? I am so incredibly blessed that you've chosen me. I can hardly believe that with just 52 weeks of life experience you’ve already learned so much. And taught me even more! I adore your love of books, music, art and animals. I am amazed at your tenacity and fierce desire to be independent, to learn new things and accomplish new feats. I am sure that in the years to come these passions will be all the more revealed in your interests and pursuits. I promise to support each and every one and encourage you to explore every option in fulfilling your potential. Today is bittersweet for me. I am so proud and yet feeling slightly melancholic that your little baby days are becoming a memory. They are captured forever in the hundreds of photos we've taken over these weeks and months and soon, we'll look back and tell you stories about the first time you rolled over or sat on your own. And we'll tell you about your first birthday and the day you became a toddler, right on cue! It started with your taking five independent steps to daddy on Sunday. And tonight when you walked across your room tonight to me. Your certainly be running circles around us in no time!

Your steps toward independence increase with each passing day and rightly so. For that is the purpose of your being here. To grow into an fully realized, independent person. What a gift you are giving us...the privilege of parenting you and witnessing this transformation before our own very eyes. Today is just the first of many more days that we'll celebrate your birth and your place on this earth. And I know that I will have many more moments of quiet reflection as your mother, of all that has been and all that might be, but mostly of all that you are, right here and right now. Happy first birthday my little being...you are my sunshine and my heart in this world. I love you.

18 Hours Old

6 Weeks Old

12 Weeks Old

14 Weeks Old

Seven Months Old

Nine Months Old

Ten Months Old

One Year Old

Although we held her party four days ago, the celebration continued this evening. Libby made her first drawing. I picked up some chunky crayons and a pad of drawing paper on the way home from work and let her try it out. With a red crayon in one fist and a purple one in the other, she made little marks and swoops on the blank page. She also promptly bit the tip right off the red one! I fished it out and she fussed a bit, but was soon scribbling across the page. We also got two packages from Amazon.com. One was a darling pink Radio Flyer tricycle from our good friends in California. The other was an all-terrain Radio Flyer wagon from my Dad. She immediately crawled up onto the tricycle and started pushing it around the living room. I had her sit on it and she figured out that she should put her feet on the pedals. Such a smarty girl! Her legs are barely long enough for her feet to touch, but I have no doubts that come Spring, they'll reach.

Tonight, at 7:04 p.m., I was rocking and nursing Libby. Snuggled in my lap, I tousled her soft hair and stroked her warm cheek as she drifted off to sleep. In many ways she reminded me of the fresh, 8 lb. 4 oz. newborn I held in my arms on this day last year. I wonder what we'll be doing this time next year?

First Beeday Party

2011-01-23T13:45:00.005-06:00

Libby's nickname has been "busy bee" since she was about 10 weeks old. So naturally, for her first birthday party, we went with a bumble bee theme. I had searched online and found super cute ideas here, here and here. I wasn't wanting to do a black+white+yellow color scheme so then looked at doing a garden bugs theme to open up the color palette. I almost went with this paper suite. But then I found this. And wanted to use it, but was outside the window for ordering. So I got to work with Photoshop and MSPublisher and came up with this:

The main colors for the party were yellow and red with turquoise and chocolate brown. And lots of polka dots! (Side note: I was stoked to see that Kelle Hampton was also using a similar color palette for Nella's first birthday party this Saturday as well. I donated to Nella's ONEder Fund in honor of Libby's first birthday). I ordered a customized tee and asked the seller, Lil Shabebe, to change the colors to our scheme. She did it and it turned out SO cute! The sweater is actually white hearts on red, from Old Navy. My husband's and my sweaters are also from Old Navy. I made a little corsage to pin on my sweater with polka dotted ribbons from Michaels and a fabric bee brad from Martha Stewart's scrapbooking line.

I already had the yellow and white polka dotted hair bow from Lbby's 6 month photoshoot and the red satin shoes were the same ones she wore at Christmastime.

I bought the yellow leggings (Circo) and polka dotted legwarmers (Baby Legs), both on sale, from Target. The pettiskirt was a last minute purchase from Party City's costume aisle. I had ordered an embroidered bib, matching hat and tutu from an Etsy seller. She shipped overnight on Thursday via FedEx but due to weather the package was held and won't be here until tomorrow. Mild panic set in when I realized this (not to mention extreme disappointment since I ordered it the first week of January and she assured me it would be here in plenty of time for the party. It was also WAY more money than I usually spend, especially on a one or two time outfit, so yeah, I was VERY upset by this).

I dashed off to Michael's Crafts to pick up supplies to create a custom hat. I got the glittered card stock, ribbon, and marabou there and topped it off with another of Martha Stewart's fabric covered brads and curling ribbon. I hit the party store and got the pettiskirt and bib (which wasn't in the color scheme, but at this point I had to let it go. They had a similar one in blue+yellow+red but it said "First Birthday Boy." Arg.) In retrospect, I probably should have just gone the DIY route from the start and saved myself $50+ from the customized set on Etsy. Ah, live and learn. And now, I have this set coming on Monday....after the party...guess I'll use it for Libby's smash cake photo shoot in a couple of weeks. That is, if she smashes the cake.

Yesterday, she just picked the sprinkles off the frosting. I made banana cake based on this recipe from Lisa at Surviving Oz. I altered the recipe by substituting whole wheat flour and adding a little cinnamon (about 1/4 tspn.). Otherwise, I made the cake exactly as outlined and it baked up 25 cupcakes (I used a 1/4 cup measuring cup to fill each polka dotted paper cup, which I got from Michaels). I made cream cheese frosting using 16 oz. of cream cheese and 8 oz. of banana yogurt (Stony Farms YoBaby, which is thick like Greek yogurt) and about 1/4 tspn. vanilla. After whipping it for a while it seemed a little thin so I added in about 1/2 c. of powdered sugar. That helped stabilize it. I piped in onto the cooled cupcakes and sprinkled the tops with red+aqua+yellow+brown jimmies. I picked up two cupcake cases from the bakery grocery store so I could easily transport them to the party venue. When I arrived and set them out on the Wilton cupcake stand I had purchased from Michaels, I topped each one with cupcake picks that I made with the party circles I'd designed, printed onto two inch white, round stickers which were left over from my wedding DIY from 2007. To make them, I simply sandwiched short lolly pop/candy sticks between the sticker and a round circle of scrapbooking paper left over from the party hats my mom and I made.

The party hats were made using scrapbook paper from Target's Dollar Spot, curling ribbon bought from the party store, pom poms and elastic thread from Michaels, hot glue and stickers I had left over from the cupcake topper project. I downloaded a template here and we made the hats, assembly-line-style. The paper was a little flimsy so we reinforced the insides of the hats with some white poster board I picked up from Target. I just cut the template a little smaller than the hats and popped the reinforcement inside with some glue. I am glad I did, because the hats were WAY more sturdy under the grip of the littles who attended the party.

We held the party from 1-2:30 p.m. at a local Kindermusik studio. This was the best idea ever! For a small fee they let us use the space, provided the tables/chairs/paper plates/cups/etc. did the set-up and clean-up AND spent 45 minutes doing musical activities with the kiddies and their parents. It was the perfect amount of time for toddlers and littles. The studio owner, Beth, and her assistant kept everything well paced and moving along. We did the activities and then ate cake and opened presents. I had found cute wooden musical toys like clackers, hand drums and tambourines on sale at Michaels. So I wrapped them in red paper and curling ribbons that matched the hats and put a personalized sticker on each one.

The kiddies unwrapped their favors as Libby unwrapped her gifts. We got an awesome Plan Toys drum, a LeapFrog Counting Candles Birthday Cake toy (the candles turn off when you blow on them!), a darling red tutu and a beautifully illustrated and bound book of Disney Treasury of Children's Classics. We also got a Kindermusik CD, shaker egg, kazoo and treats from the Beth, the studio owner.

I ordered the polka dotted balloons from Sally at Polka Dot Market. Sally was AWESOME and actually sent a duplicate order when she feared the first one wouldn't make it me on time. Both packages arrived and I contacted her about the second one. She told me to keep it and use it for the party. YAY for excellent customer service! I'll be shopping her site again and again. The bees I ordered from Party City's website because they had no bee Mylar balloons in the store. These were actually from their Valentine's Day line and they matched the color scheme perfectly! I took all the balloons to Party City in the morning and they inflated, ribboned and bagged them for me to pick up on the way to the music studio.

I was thrilled that even with snow earlier this week (I had a snow day from work, which was helpful for last minute party projects) everyone showed up right on time. We had three families join us for the party. I am SO grateful...these three families are new friends to us (the only people we're friends with outside of work, actually) and it's because of them I even planned a real party for Libby. Everyone seemed to have a great time.

Libby's first birthday is bittersweet...it means my baby is now a toddler. I've looked back at her infant photos today and am amazed at how much she's grown and changed in this past year. In many ways, she's still the same as the day we brought her home though, especially when I rock her at night and she nurses. We've ALL grown so much in this past year. It's amazing. This last week she's taken her first unassisted steps and cut another tooth (7 total now and more on the way)! She's talking up a storm (it's SO cute to hear her say "bumble bumble," "bah-oon," and "happy happy")! It won't be long before she's running around and a "big kid!" It's true what they say, it goes SO fast. And now we've checked another milestone off the list...baby's first birthday party!

***************************************************************************************

Adding this post to Tip Junkie's

Handmade Project and Parties round-up!
This is Number 176 there.

Today's the day...

2011-01-22T09:03:00.000-06:00

Libby's first birthday party is today. The cupcakes have been baked, frosted and decorated. Cardboard has been cut, glued and embellished...and little take-aways have been wrapped and ribboned. More to come tomorrow with photos!

Do I look like a peacock? Because I sure feel like one...

2011-01-21T06:00:00.002-06:00

This short video explains EXACTLY how I've been feeling since late June 2010.

http://www.perrythepeacock.com/

I would say more, but I can't. So for those of you who know me and know what's been going on...yeah...this little video about sums it up. Onward and upward! I am not going to let the last six months bring me down anymore. Life is WAY too short!

Time Flies!

2011-01-20T12:37:00.007-06:00

I am a bad blogger! Ever since this summer, I've really not kept up with it. I've resolved that 2011 I'd get back to posting more regularly. So here goes...

Time has certainly flown! I can hardly believe me baby girl is going to be one year old in less than a week. Holy moly! She's nearly walking and has been talking up a storm for the past few weeks.

Here's where we left off with the blog....I'll catch you up with photos!

August 2010:

First Plane Ride...to CA to see friends and family

September 2010:

First Labor Day

Meltdown in Three Clicks

October 2010:

Trip to Seattle...I had to work so my mom came along so I could have Libby with me

Living in a hotel for 10 days is rough!

Nine Month Photoshoot with Malisa Morgan Waldrop in Woodward Park:

First Halloween - Our Little Busy Bee

We had an awesome first Thanksgiving in Las Vegas with her paternal grandparents:

First time with her paternal grandfather and stepgrandmother

Libby's first Christmas was so fun! There's so much magic to the season viewed from a little's eyes!

Here are some favorite photos from December 2010:

First look at Christmas lights

Small Christmas Tree for her room

Newest ornament

first carousel ride

Holiday Portraits

They were a hit on our holiday cards this year!

First visit with Santa Claus

Christmas Eve

Christmas Morning with new toys from Santa Claus

Christmas night with new ball pit from uncle and auntie

Whew! What a whirlwind the past six months have been! So much has happened. Libby's gone from crawling to standing to cruising to walking with a push toy. It's only a matter of time before she ditches the push toy and takes off on her own!

She's still LOVING her books and has quite the vocabulary these days. We love when she says, "bumble, bumble" (bumblebee), "purple," and "hippopapa" (hippopatamus)...she also says: mama, dada, gah (grandma), puppy, kitty cat, blue, shoe, clap, cup, book, all done, night-night, car, and hi.

Our little being will be ONE on January 25th...her first birthday party is this Saturday!

I've done a lot of DIY for her party and will post pics on Sunday!

Where does the time go?

2010-10-13T19:37:00.000-05:00

It's been six weeks since my last post. A what a jam-packed six weeks it has been. Sadly, I don't have time to write about all that has gone on right now. Why? Because I am leaving for 10 days tomorrow. Me, my mom and Libby will be headed to Seattle for 10 days. I have a work an annual work assignment at our international convention and this year we decided it would be best for all involved if Libby came with me. So my mom signed up to watch after her the 10-12 hours a day I'll be working. But it'll be worth it to see her in the evenings and snuggle and nurse all night long. Daddy will stay home with all four dogs and the cat and pretend he's a bachelor again! Well, not really. He actually has to study for midterms. But he'll surely enjoy some pizza and beer, no doubt.

So...I promise more of an update on all that's happened in the past six weeks and really, this summer, once I am home. For now...here's a quick rundown...job woes, degree options, sprinting crawls, sharp teeth, and hundreds pumpkins. Yep. That about sums it up. More details coming soon!

Home is where the heart is...

2010-08-31T14:36:00.000-05:00

I've been a bad blogger. This summer has been so crazy and so many unexpected things have come to pass that I cannot keep up...

On Sunday we returned from a week long vacation in California. It started with a cousin's wedding in Beverly Hills, two nights at my-best-friend-since-the-third-grade's house in Alta Loma followed by a six hour drive north on Highway 5 to my twin brother's house in Tracy. While we were all at the wedding his plumbing backed up and flooded his house! What a nightmare. His babysitter (who was watching four kids at the time) managed to clean up the worst of it, but he and my sister-in-law returned home on Monday and did the rest of the dirty work. When we arrived on Tuesday evening, there was a wrecking crew there taking out floors and drywall and installing huge, industrial fans and dehumidifiers. We stayed one night and decided to move on to our BFFs place in Modesto. They just welcomed their second son in July and have a two year old. We stayed in their cozy guest room for three nights and then returned to my brother's for one last night before heading to the airport at 4 a.m. We landed in Tulsa at 6 p.m. and by then had sore throats. Not good.

Monday I went into work for 5 hours and then came home early so J could go to class (since my mom is still on vacation, visiting her sisters in Oregon). I got home and spiked a fever and had chills as well as achy joints. Libby had a runny nose and was feverish too. We climbed into bed and napped and nursed off and on from 1 p.m. until 7 p.m. J has a scratchy throat too and was feeling run down as well. We turned in at 9 p.m. but were up all night with Libby. I finally conceded to sleeping with her in the rocker/recliner in her nursery. At 8 a.m. I fell into bed while J got her ready to see the pedi. Turns out she has a virus that needs to run its course. I assume J and I have the same. I stayed home from work today to rest and hopefully kick this bug! It sucks that the price for a week away from home is coming back sick. Libby is 7 months and 6 days old and this is the first time she's every been ill. So sad. Hopefully it'll pass quickly.

Our week in California was a whirlwind. We crammed in as many visits as possible and Libby met a ton of people...she loved every moment! She's SO social. She slept like a rock each night from all of the activity which impressed upon us that we need to do more with her, here at home. Speaking of home, Sunday, when we arrived in Tulsa and made our drive into midtown to our neighborhood I actually felt like we were on our way home. Weird. It's taken two years for me to feel that way. Before, I felt like going to California was going home and although being there feels SO familiar and comfortable, it didn't exactly feel like home anymore. I do not miss the crazy traffic and hectic pace there at all. And the smoggy air either. I do miss the people though. My brothers and best friends. I will I could get them all to move here! Thankfully, my mom is here...if she weren't I know I'd be more homesick. So...for now, Tulsa is home. It's our daughter's birthplace. And where we'll be for some time. That said, I cannot wait until our next trip to California. Maybe for Libby's first birthday? We shall see.

A Couple of Firsts

2010-08-11T19:20:00.004-05:00

After three months of drooling, gnawing, and general malaise Libby finally has something to show for it! Not one, but TWO little pearly whites poking through her front, lower gums! I felt the first one, on the left, on Sunday. And today, the second one popped through! Ah, my baby is growing up!

And tonight, she said "mama!" Loud and clear. We've suspected we've heard it a time or two in the past (in fact J and my mom SWEAR Libby entered this word saying "mom"), but tonight, during dinner, she reached for me from her high chair and said, "mama." Clear as day. And then said it again and again! I started to tear up...my baby! Saying "mama." Just the first of a million, trillion times to come, no doubt. I mean, I am nearly 36 and still call my mom "mommy" most days. Well, usually in private. In public, she's mom. But still. It was sweet to hear Libby's "mmmm" roll into a long "ahh" and then a fast set of "mmm...aaahhh" blurt out right after it. Of course, I tried to capture it on my dying 4.0 pixel digital camera (that'll capture 60 seconds of grainy video) and "ERR" kept flashing on the display. I think it's finally died. So what did I do? Used my cell phone, on speaker, to call my house phone and capture Libby's first "mamas" on our voicemail. Yeah, I am a dork. And obviously in desperate need of a Flip Camera. Like yesterday.

Speaking of dinner and the highchair, it's been about four weeks since we started baby-led weaning (or child-led solids, which is more descriptive of what it actually is...). Libby is doing great! She's getting into it more now that we have a little routine down. She's still pretty much in the touching and tasting (and squishing and flinging) stage but actually has consumed bits here and there (as there are tell tale signs in her potty)! She's tried quite a few things (all have been organic, unless noted with a [*]). We usually slice them into 2-3" stick shape or wedges and most things are baked, roasted, grilled or steamed:

sweet potato♥
carrots♥
broccoli
spinach
asparagus
zucchini♥
cucumber
apple sauce (no sugar added)
apple♥
peach
plum
plain yogurt
hummus
Baby MumMums*
Happy Baby Puffs
whole grain bread, toasted
rice pasta
grilled pork chop*
grilled chicken thighs*
turkey meatball*
scrambled egg yolk

She loves to dine at the table with us and even though we can only do it as a family four times a week (brunch on the weekends and dinner on Mondays and Tuesdays), it's so worth it. Otherwise, she eats with me or with her daddy. I am so glad we've decided to do BLW, especially since I am certain Libby would not have use spoon feeding her mush anyway. She's way too independent for that!

Overwhelmed With Love

2010-08-01T19:23:00.008-05:00

Sometimes, when I look at my little one, I am so overwhelmed by my feelings of love that it brings me to tears. Like tonight, as I rocked her...the tears just came as I watched her drift off to sleep. It used to worry me...the fact that I could cry so easily. But I know realize that it's okay. Tears don't always mean sadness. And as much as laughter and a smile can express my joy, something about crying is also a release of the love that swells inside of me. I have always been sensitive to beauty...be it art or music or poetry or a moment...like tonight. And it brings me to tears.

A lot of parenting feels overwhelming...the love, the wonder....and the frustration too. Like last night. Libby just didn't want to sleep. We rocked and nursed and snuggled and had white noise and she would fight the entire time. Then, she'd finally give in, fall asleep and then the dogs would bark and she'd be wide awake again! This went on from 6 - 11 p.m. I think she finally just passed out due to sheer exhaustion! And I was exhausted too!

My mom is away for two weeks and I am realizing just how much she's been a help...a savior...to us in these first six months of parenthood. When I get home from work, she'll play with Libby so I can get something to eat and get out of my work clothes. If I give Libby a bath she'll help me get her dried off and dressed. These "little things" all add up to a tremendous amount of help and also to some balance for me. She's home in the daytime too and helps J a lot as well. I always knew that we were incredibly lucky to have her living with us right now, but this time apart just reaffirms it for me. And I am so grateful that my little girl is developing a very special relationship with her grandma and that my mom is here to help me as I learn to become a mother.

Lately, I have been feeling restless...some things have changed at work and that has led me to reevaluate my path. It's a good thing, even if it was prompted rather unexpectedly by circumstances beyond my control. And as I think about our future, I am opening my mind up to all of the possibilities that exist...even the ones I am not even aware of at this moment. Five years ago I never, in a million years, would have imagined that I'd be married, living in Tulsa with my mom, my husband and our baby. Never. So who knows where we'll be in the next five years? Not me. I have hopes and dreams, but won't fully know where we'll until we get there. And that's okay. A little overwhelming. But okay none the less.

First {Half} Birthday!

2010-07-25T00:51:00.000-05:00

Libby is six months old today. Half a year. Already. Wow! Where is 2010 going? I cannot believe that six months ago we had this little, tiny newborn girl and today she's a big, healthy baby getting ready to crawl! She's developing SO fast! In the past month she's learned to sit unassisted, is grabbing at EVERYTHING, scooting to get what she wants, reaching for people and pets, tasting food and |thisclose| to saying "mama." She also continues to teethe like crazy and still, no actual teeth are in sight! Poor little. She's fiercely independent. And extremely curious. She's also got a hot temper and a silly sense of humor. She just loves to laugh! And squeal. Loudly. What can you expect? She's the daughter of two opera singers!

I can barely remember our life before Libby...isn't that weird? I mean, we've been together almost nine years, so obviously there was a lot of life together before she came along. But these past six months...I don't know...it's as if our life together before her seems like ancient history now. And sure, we can get caught up in the day-to-day stuff like, "Did she poop today?" and "We need to wash her diapers" or "What time did she go down for a nap?" and "She needs new clothes, these ones are too small!" but through it all we are so in love with our baby girl. And more in love than ever with each other. Watching her grow and change these past six months is nothing short of amazing. What a miracle a new life is. And how blessed are we to be her parents? She has made our lives so much richer.

I know that these next six months will fly by as fast as the first and soon we'll be celebrating her first birthday. Wow. And to think this time last year she was about the size of a plum! Now? She's a tall girl already...I figured she would be since I am 5'9" and her daddy is 6"3'. She's headed into size 24 month clothing. I am not kidding. Her 18 month size things are getting quite snug, both in length and width. I doubt we'll be finding any cutesy item that says "Baby's First Christmas" in her size come December. I try to find things that fit but are age-appropriate...especially developmentally appropriate. She's not even crawling yet, so we need things that allow her freedom of movement and aren't binding at the waist...not an easy feat when most things her size are styled for toddlers. Luckily, it's still hot so she wears one-piece bubble rompers or onesies most of the time right now. When it turns cooler, I hope she'll fit into the one-piece Carter's outfits we have for her in 24 months size. After that? I suspect she'll be wearing 3T, which means no more diaper-friendly snaps in the crotch. Oh boy. Maybe once she starts crawling she'll slow down a bit on the growing, but I doubt it. And I think Santa need to bring this girl a basketball hoop. Seriously.

New Stuff

2010-07-22T22:57:00.000-05:00

I have totally been slacking on updating the blog. Work has been insanely busy and we had about a week of Libby not wanting to sleep. I think due to teething (again) and developmental strides. Thankfully, the last few nights she's settled back into a routine of going down for the night without a problem. I swear, I thought we might kill the blow dryer and break the rocking chair last week!

Libby's high chair arrived last week and it was a snap to put together. It's a Keekaroo Height Right Chair. We got it with the tray and cushion set:

The only thing "wrong" with it is that the warning label and logo were upside down on the parts. Perhaps that's why I got such a deal on it from Overstock.com . We paid less than $200 for it...similarly designed Svans and Tripp Trapps go for much more than that, so I am glad we found this deal. We definitely needed to get something that she won't outgrow since she is tending to be WAY off the charts in height and weight for her age. We just moved her into size 18-24 month clothing this week and she'll only be 6 months old come Sunday.

She loves sitting in her chair and started joining us for meal times. She's tasted a few things but has yet to really eat any food. That's okay with us and definitely part of baby-led solids anyway. Thankfully she's still nursing like a champ and my milk supply is as strong as ever (despite taking a hit last month due to stress).

We also got rid of her adorably cute but oh so impractical Bebe Lace Green rug. I love the design of it but it's impossible to keep clean even though we are shoe-free household and I vacuum it religiously. It seems to just attract dust like a magnet! After three months of use it was looking really shabby and not in a chic way. It wasn't cheap either and I am frustrated that a rug specifically designed and sold for children's rooms is so difficult. So, it's off to the cleaners to see if they can do anything for it and in its place are these awesome foam tiled squares. We got them in pink and white (one set of each color) for $49 from GetRung.com. They shipped quickly and were so easy to lay out and snap together. I put them in a checkerboard pattern (trying to echo the patchwork quilt on the daybed) and although they're not as "shabby chic" as my adorable yet filthy area rug, they are super cute and better still, super functional. Libby loved them immediately...she felt the texture of them for a good 20 minutes. And when she topples over she doesn't cry because they absorb the fall (unlike said chi-chi area rug, even with a pad)!

We are also preparing to take our first plane ride with Miss Libby and have decided to lug our Graco32 and Snap 'n' Go along for the trip. I wasn't comfortable renting a car seat and bringing our own seems to be the best solution. That said, she HATES being in it on the Snap 'n' Go because she'd rather sit up when she's strolling (we usually take her for walks in a second-hand Schwinn Jog Stroller that I got for $30), but we're bringing it anyway to navigate the airports on our travel days. We also got a J.L. Childress Ultimate Carseat Travel Bag to protect the car seat since they can get pretty beat up even when they are gate checked.

And I finally got an Ergo! We went with the Ergo Sport in black since it's supposedly a better fit for larger/taller parents and cooler fabric for the baby. I tried it the other day and the jury is still out on whether or not I like it. Libby seems sort of squished in it, at least when she is in front. I have yet to try a back carry with it. I have 30 days to return it and well, I am just not sure about it. I think I prefer wraps. I really, really want a Storchenwiege (Anna) or Vatanai (Koira) but they are pricey, especially because I want to get the longest size. So, maybe in the Fall I will have the funds to get a woven wrap. Libby seems to like being wrapped as well and I love that there are so many versatile carries that can be done with a wrap. Wovens are supposed to be very supportive which is essential since she's over 20 lbs. now. I wish there were a babywearing group or MeetUp here in Tulsa so I could meet other parents who wear their babies and also see/try out different wraps and carriers. I might just have to start one up...I see moms from time to time out and about with their little ones in ring slings or mei teis, so I know I am not the only one in town!

Catching Up

2010-07-10T17:21:00.000-05:00

June 2010 was a very rough month...I cannot get into all of the details (since you never really know who might be reading along) but I will say that it was quite challenging, both personally and professionally. I have learned that tomorrow is never a guarantee and just when you think something might be solid and long-lasting you find out that it's not. The reminder is difficult to accept, but I am working on it and moving forward... lately, I've been asking myself, "what do I want to be when I grow up?"

You'd think at nearly 36 years of age I'd have answered that for myself some time ago. And for the most part, I have. But professionally speaking, I am in limbo right now. And faced with 20, 30 or maybe even 40 more years of earning an income ahead of me, I want to chose a path that will be rewarding, both personally and economically speaking. I already know that being a mother and raising children will be the most challenging and rewarding job I ever have...if only there was a way to earn an income for being a mother! I read somewhere that if moms were paid a wage for all that they do, they'd make something like half a million dollars a year! I know that money isn't everything, but I think it is easier for those with it to say that. And I am also aware of how abundant my life is, yet I still have goals that only financial security will buy...like becoming a home owner, helping my children through college and someday, becoming debt-free.

I was always told, "with hard work and determination you can be whatever you want to be." And for the most part, that has been true. But there is a point where even if you work hard and are determined, there are factors beyond your control that can affect the situation as well. And those factors can be difficult obstacles to overcome. So, for now, I am embracing an attitude of gratitude for all that I have in my life and opening myself up to the possibilities beyond what I already see. I have been feeling "old" lately. I mean, my baby cousin is getting married in a month, my baby nephew is a teenager now and my baby girl is nearly six months old! How does this happen? Time is just racing by! And before I know it, I'll be 40 and then 45 and then 50 and have a teenager of my own. What will I be doing then? Will I have gone back to school (for yet another degree)? Will I have started (yet another) business? I have no idea. And that troubles me right now. I hate the in-between, limbo of not knowing. I've never been good at it. So I am trying to just be in it and not fight the unknown right now.

Aside from this personal turmoil I've been, Libby is continuing to develop at lightening speed! Infant pottying is going amazingly well and most days we don't have to change a poopy diaper because she goes in the potty. She's getting ready to start solids...we've had her at the table with us during meals and she's had her first tastes of banana, mashed potato and hummus. I ordered her a highchair today so that we can start putting food on her tray and letting her go for it. I am excited that we're going with Baby Led Weaning (although I prefer to call it Child Led Solids, since she really won't be weaned for at least another 6-12 months...) She is still teething like crazy but there are no signs of actual teeth just yet. She's started making new sounds, like "mmmmm...." and "ooooohhhh" and I am hoping to hear "mama" really soon. Now that she's been sitting unassisted for a couple of weeks she's learning to scoot on her bottom towards things. It's really cute. And so it goes...time is passing quickly and my newborn is now a curious little baby. Witnessing her growth is priceless and being her mom is worth more to me than all the money in the world.

Breastfeeding Jesus

2010-07-03T16:59:00.001-05:00

I love this...it is from one of my favorite bloggers, Dr. Momma at Peaceful Parenting:

I have been reflecting a lot lately on my nursing relationship with Libby as we near the sixth month and are thinking about the beginning of weaning through the introduction of solids. She's been showing signs of readiness...most recently sitting unassisted, on her own (just one day shy of her fifth month birthday):

I am so glad we've made it this far and that she's thriving on just my milk. At five months old she's 21 pounds and 27 inches long...it's quite amazing. And when I am stressed or tired nursing calms me as much as it does her. I am a little saddened to think that soon she'll have more options besides her mama's milk and sometimes wonder if she'll develop a preference to sweet potatoes or bananas...but my goal is to nurse her for at least one year. If she wants to go longer I'll keep it up as long as we can.

First (non-furbaby) Father's Day

2010-06-21T13:18:00.000-05:00

Yesterday was a great day. J was off work and it was nice to be home as a family doing what families do on any given Sunday. It's a rare occasion in our household for mommy and daddy to have the WHOLE day off together. We slept in and finally got up and had a nice breakfast of bagels with lox and coffee. J opened up his cards from me and my mom and Libby and was happy to receive new "daddy gear"...two pairs of cotton, lounge pants (his favorite) and a funny t-shirt that says, "I like a big rack" with a drawing of baby back ribs grilling on a kettle grill . The double entendre is quite fitting given my current status as a nursing mother who before pregnancy was already a 40E. Whoa mama!

Speaking of grilling, yes, J made his own father's day dinner. Let me preface this by saying the man LOVES to cook. I mean adores it and well, me? Not so much. I mean, we won't starve if I am in charge of the meals, but they're usually quite utilitarian and not the creative works that he puts into it. We had steamed broccoli, grilled chicken and garlic sausages with mustard and roasted garlic potatoes. YUM. He also whipped up some thick, gooey brownies. They came out of the oven and smelled divine. In order not to torture ourselves while they cooled we went for a walk at dusk. I wore Libby in the wrap carrier and J and Libby, me and my mom went for a warm summer's stroll around the neighborhood. We had fun spying fireflies and little cotton tail bunnies. Whew, it's been H-O-T and humid this past weekend. Nearly 100 degrees and probably 70-80% humidity, which of course, makes it feel hotter. So it was nice to get outside, even if it was nearly dark. We got home and the brownies were still warm, but cool enough to eat. We topped them with a dollop of vanilla ice cream...delish!

And so it was. A perfectly delightful Sunday with the family. A wonderful first Father's Day...although don't tell Regina, Luigi and Bella...they've been given Daddy cards for years and it might hurt their feelings if they knew that it didn't "count" until Libby arrived. We've always known that J was an awesome Dad and now that Libby's here, it just confirms what we've known all along.

Rest In Peace

2010-06-19T21:21:00.003-05:00

I have been avoiding the blog because this week has just been one of the worst in recent history. There's a lot going on right now but the only thing I can share right now is this...on Monday morning, June 14 we lost J's older brother, at the age 46. His death came quite unexpectedly and we're still don't not sure what the cause was. We're awaiting the results of an autopsy, but will be holding a small memorial service with family on Tuesday afternoon.

Here is the only photo we have of Libby with her uncle. It was the first time they had met and it was taken on April 16. Sadly, we didn't know that we'd never get another photo of them together. You just never know when it'll be the last time you see someone. Tomorrow is never guaranteed. And the events of this week have made it really clear that the most important thing is to embrace your loved ones, each and everyday. Show them your love. Hug and kiss them. Clear up hurt feelings quickly. Do not dwell on the past. Be in the here and now because that's all you've really got. Tomorrow? You can hope and pray it'll be a better day, but really, you just never know.

I know that no parent ever expects to lose a child, it's unnatural. Our children are supposed to outlive us. It the law of nature. Most of the time, at least. So I know my mother-in-law is especially hurting right now. She has lost her first baby, her eldest son. He had come into this world under tough circumstances (his father was killed by a drunk driver two months before he was born) and he lived a hard life, but in recent months had turned the corner and it was starting to look up for him. And then, gone. I know she's really struggling with this. So please pray that her heart finds peace. And rest in peace brother Dan. Until we meet again may God hold you in the palm of his hand.

What's on your list?

2010-06-10T10:11:00.002-05:00

Found this list at JanineB's blog and wanted to play along too.

The things I've done are bolded:

1. Started your own blog
2. Slept under the stars
3. Played in a band
4. Visited Hawaii
5. Watched a meteor shower
6. Given more than you can afford to charity
7. Been to Disneyland
8. Climbed a mountain
9. Held a praying mantis
10. Sang a solo
11. Bungee jumped
12. Visited Paris
13. Watched a lightning storm at sea
14. Taught yourself an art from scratch
15. Adopted a child
16. Had food poisoning
17. Walked to the top of the Statue of Liberty
18. Grown your own vegetables
19. Seen the Mona Lisa in France
20. Slept on an overnight train
21. Had a pillow fight
22. Hitch hiked
23. Taken a sick day when you’re not ill
24. Built a snow fort
25. Held a lamb
26. Gone skinny dipping
27. Run a Marathon
28. Ridden in a gondla
29. Seen a total eclipse
30. Watched a sunrise or sunset
31. Hit a home run
32. Been on a cruise
33. Seen Niagara Falls in person
34. Visited the birthplace of your ancestors
35. Seen an Amish community
36. Taught yourself a new language
37. Had enough money to be truly satisfied
38. Seen the Leaning Tower of Pisa in person
39. Gone rock climbing
40. Seen Michelangelo’s David
41. Sung karaoke
42. Seen Old Faithful geyser erupt
43. Bought a stranger a meal at a restaurant
44. Visited Africa
45. Walked on a beach by moonlight
46. Been inside an ambulance
47. Had your portrait painted
48. Gone deep sea fishing
49. Seen the Sistine Chapel in person
50. Been to the top of the Eiffel Tower in Paris
51. Gone scuba diving or snorkeling
52. Kissed in the rain
53. Played in the mud
54. Gone to a drive-in theater
55. Been in a movie
56. Visited the Great Wall of China
57. Started a business
58. Taken a martial arts class
59. Visited Russia
60. Served at a soup kitchen
61. Sold Girl Scout Cookies
62. Gone whale watching
63. Got flowers for no reason
64. Donated blood, platelets or plasma
65. Gone sky diving
66. Visited a Nazi Concentration Camp
67. Bounced a check
68. Flown in a helicopter
69. Saved a favorite childhood toy
70. Visited the Lincoln Memorial
71. Eaten Caviar
72. Pieced a quilt
73. Stood in Times Square
74. Toured the Everglades
75. Been fired from a job
76. Seen the Changing of the Guards in London
77. Broken a bone
78. Been on a speeding motorcycle
79. Seen the Grand Canyon in person
80. Published a book
81. Visited the Vatican
82. Bought a brand new car
83. Walked in Jerusalem
84. Had your picture in the newspaper
85. Read the entire Bible
86. Visited the White House
87. Killed and prepared an animal for eating
88. Had chickenpox
89. Saved someone’s life
90 Sat on a jury
91. Met someone famous
92. Joined a book club
93. Lost a loved one
94. Had a baby
95. Seen the Alamo in person
96. Swam in the Great Salt Lake
97. Been involved in a law suit
98. Owned a cell phone
99. Been stung by a bee
100. Eaten lunch on the steps of the Lincoln Memorial
101. Lit candles at St. Patrick’s Cathedral
102. Been stopped by the cops for making out in my car
103. Been threatened with arrest
104. Had surgery
105. Played on the beach at Malibu
106. Been a bridesmaid
107. Caught the bouquet
108. Been engaged
109. Broken off engagement
110. Acted in a play
111. Directed a play
112. Been to Las Vegas
113. Been to Euro Disney
114. Been to Disney World
115. Been to Capri
116. Seen a snow capped mountain only from afar
117. Been to the Atlantis in the Bahamas
118. been given a kiss that makes you weak in the knees
119. participated in an international student exchange
120. kept a juicy secret for a good friend no one else knows
121. shared a juicy secret with a good friend you haven't shared with anyone else

How many can you check off? What would you add?

I’m adding:

122. Been to Greece
123. Sung at on the stage of the Metropolitan Opera
124. Picked wild blueberries in Alaska
125. Owned a convertible car.
126. Been on television
127. Got a tattoo
128. Divorced
129. Remarried
130. Visited Fiji
131. Camped in Yosemite
132. Hiked to a waterfall
133. Met royalty
134. Ridden in a hot air balloon
135. Stomped grapes into wine
136. Won prize money

Insert eye-roll here

2010-06-09T15:17:00.005-05:00

So in the brief four months we’ve been parents, apparently we’ve made a slew of choices that are less-than-conventional. I guess. I mean, in the online parenting forums I frequent, they seem quite “normal” but I guess in every-day-life they may not be. Hmm. I suspect there’s been a lot of eye-rolling from the every-day people in our lives.

First off was the decision to cloth diaper. People came out of the woodwork to tell us we were nuts. That surely, we’d regret it and find ourselves bleary-eyed in a big-box-brand-name-store at 3 a.m. desperately purchasing disposable diapers within a week of bringing our baby home. “You’ll see…” I heard time and again. Well…here were are…four-plus months later and loving the decision we've made to cloth diaper. It’s super convenient and totally budget-friendly. Not to mention that we’re always just one laundry load away from a new supply of diapers for our little one. It is also better for her health and for the health of our planet.

Second was the fact that my exclusively breast-fed baby refuses to take a pacifier or a bottle. I am fine with her not wanting a paci…but others have an issue with it. She’s keen to suck her thumb instead (although has not fully worked that out just yet) and somehow that’s a bad thing. I dunno. If it helps her to self-soothe, I am all for it. It’s right there, whenever she needs or wants it. And for the record, I sucked my thumb and didn’t go off to college still doing it. Sure, I needed orthodontics, but it wasn’t because of the thumb-sucking. It was due to genetics.

And although we introduced the bottle at the “right time” of four weeks and she initially took it, eventually she decided she wanted nothing to do with it. At first I thought it was because I produce excess lipase and discovered that my stored, pumped breast milk had an “off” taste. But even once we worked that out (via scalding all pumped milk as recommended by Kelly Mom and LLLI) she still refused to take the bottle. And we tried them all. Including this fancy-schmancy one that actually looks and supposedly feels a lot like a breast. So, with the impending date of my return to full-time work looming, we got creative and tried feeding her expressed breast milk from a cup. Well, really the top of one of the many bottles she’d refused. And you know what? It worked! So since she was eight weeks old she gets her “cup milk” from daddy or grandma while I am at work. People still don’t believe she can drink from a cup. Others ask why we don’t just make her drink from a bottle. (As if I could make her?! They suggest, “if you don’t offer her anything by the bottle, eventually she’ll HAVE to take it!”). Why on earth would I do that when she’s already drinking from a cup? People need to learn to drink from a cup. They don’t need to know how to use a bottle. So, she’s just ahead of the game.

Here's a video of J cup feeding Libby when she was 10 weeks old:

Speaking of being ahead, that leads me to our latest “unconventional” choice to use infant pottying in our household. Also known as Elimination Communication or Diaper-free Babies, it basically is learning to read your babies cues to know when they need to potty. And once you notice them, you begin to potty them over the toilet or sink or receptacle of your choosing rather than let them go in their diaper. Sounds pretty down-to-earth to me. After all, people need to use the potty anyway, right? So, very casually, we’ve begun to observe when Libby needs to pee or poop. It’s become fairly easy to pinpoint, especially her pooping schedule, which is just once a day now and usually in the early evenings after feeding. Pee has been a little trickier to catch, but again, she usually lets us know immediately when she’s wet and we’ve been able to figure out her signals just before then, namely squirming and vocalization. So we’ve been able to get her to tinkle on the potty (our household toilet is now outfitted with a kiddie potty seat that I picked up for $3) by offering her “pottytunities” before and after her naps, after feeding, before baths, etc. We cue her with “pssss” and sure enough, she pees in the potty. It’s so cute!

She loves it because she’s not in a wet diaper. And we love it because it means less diaper changes (and laundry) for us. Especially the poopie ones. I’ve only changed one poopie diaper in the past 5 days (and that’s because she surprised me with a early-afternoon poop). We have no intention of having her be diaper-free (she’s still in her cloth diapers) save for the 15-20 minutes of “naked time” she has each day. Nor are we pushing her to “potty train” anytime soon. It’s more about teaching her that she has options when it comes to her personal hygiene. Knowing her, once she really figures out that she doesn’t have to be in a wet or dirty diaper I suspect she will be wanting to use the potty more often than not. She smiles every time we sit her there. And she loves that it’s faster and cleaner than getting a diaper change.

That said, we’ve already gotten the side-eye about it. And of course the lecture that it’s “too soon.” Yes, if we were potty training her, it would be WAY too soon. But what we’re doing is potty learning and offering her options, which is perfectly fine. In many cultures they don’t even use diapers on infants because they practice this method of infant pottying. And it’s not like she’s being scolded if she goes in her diaper (which is an old-school tactic used by parents in potty training). Oh well…I guess to many people teaching your baby to use the toilet is weird. To us, it’s pretty much a no-brainer. It’s a skill she’ll use for life so why not start now? I did have to laugh though when we were asked, “well how does she get to the bathroom?” Um, the same way she gets everywhere else right now. We carry her. Duh.

Finally, I am sure that more eyes will roll in a couple of months when we begin introducing solids to our daughter. We’ve already been asked more than once why she’s not already eating rice cereal. We’ve had to let people know that we’re going with the AAP’s recommendation to wait until she’s six months old before introducing solids. (Oh and I’ve also been asked why I plan to breastfeed beyond six months since she’ll be eating solids by then and will most likely have teeth. I cannot believe how clueless people are about breastfeeding. You should have seen the reaction when I said I have no intentions of weaning at twelve months, let alone six. Oy vay.)

We plan to let Libby self-feed solids (also known as BLW or Baby-led Weaning) when she shows signs of readiness. Most likely that’ll be later this summer. I am sure people will ask why on earth she’s not being spoon-fed jarred baby food or even purees we make ourselves. I am sure they’ll question the risk of her choking. I am already scheduled to take an Infant CPR class later this month so at least I can let them know that if on the remote chance she did choke, we’d know what to do. But I am sure they’ll still roll their eyes. Oh well, I guess that’s okay. It certainly won’t be the first time.

Pro Pics: Three Months Old

2010-06-05T08:02:00.007-05:00

Shot by Malisa Morgan Waldop at Morgan Street Studios Photography in Broken Arrow on April 26, 2010 and Woodward Park in Tulsa on April 21, 2010.

Second Mov-i-versary

2010-06-01T06:10:00.002-05:00

It’s been two years since we packed up our lives in California and moved here to Tulsa. It seems longer than that in many ways. So much has changed in the 730 days we’ve lived here. And for the most part, it’s been for the better. But there are days when I wonder if I’ll ever really feel like this is home. And if so, when?

I miss our friends and family back in the golden state. I don’t miss the high cost of living and heinous traffic though. I do miss being able to sink my toes into the Pacific Ocean whenever I pleased. And spending a lazy day touring the little vineyards in wine country. But I don’t miss the uncertainty that came with living an artist’s lifestyle in a techno-driven economy. Where making a living-wage means you have to pull in six figures. How ridiculous is it that a single person earning $30K/year is considered near poverty-level?! But sadly, it is when you live in one of the most expensive places on earth.

Being in Tulsa has been interesting to say the least. Tulsans are quite friendly, but at the same time, not very welcoming. By that I mean people here smile at you in the grocery store and wave to you when you’re driving down the street, but they’re not the sort to invite you over for a visit or suggest that you hang out. Maybe I expect too much of people. Kindness should be enough, but I crave connection.

I want to get past the polite, perfunctory exchanges and get to the personal and profound conversations. We’re friendly folks. We can strike up a conversation almost anywhere with anyone. But I still cannot figure out why we’ve been here for two years and not made any friends. I mean, real friends. Not people you’re friendly with because you work with them or see them from time to time out in your neighborhood and the right thing to do is to be nice and friendly. I mean the kind of people you connect with about real stuff that goes on in your life. Friends who you want to spend time with after work and on the weekends. Someone you can call at 2 a.m. if need be. We just don’t have that here. And we did when we lived in CA. And for the life of me, I cannot figure out why. Shared experiences, I guess.

When you’re an artist, it automatically connects you with people in a different way, I suppose. Not that all of our friends back home are artists themselves. But most of them are and those who aren’t appreciate those who are and want to befriend them. Here? We’re just normal, everyday working folks with two cars, two dogs, a cat and a kid. There’s nothing beyond that right now to connect us to others, I guess. We’re not religious and only attend one church in town, on occasion. And when we go there, the people are nice. They say hello or smile from across the pews. But that’s it. They’re just nice. Just friendly. But not really looking to connect or make friends. At least it doesn’t feel that way. And I guess that’s why, after two years of living here, I feel like I am just visiting. Nice and friendly are perfectly swell when you’re visiting. But if you’re going to stay, it takes more than that. I am on a search to find it. So that this time next year I can say that Tulsa feels like home.

No longer my own dot-com

2010-05-28T16:07:00.023-05:00

Over the past two years I have slowly transitioned away from my former email address of info@myname.com and to full time use of myname@yahoo.com which before, I only used for my students to contact me when I was still teaching private voice lessons. That said the Yahoo account gets checked a few times each day and the other one I maybe log into once a week or so. So today I went to log-on and sift through the hundreds of spam and junk mail that normally fill the inbox to see if there were any legitimate messages waiting for me. I typed the usual www.myname.com/mail expecting to see the netmail log-in screen, but instead I saw one of those generic domain parking pages come up in the browser window. Hmm…maybe I misspelled the URL? I tried again. Nope. Same thing. It’s a NetSol page and it says, “Myname.com expired on 5/21 and is pending renewal or deletion.” Wow.

Five years ago, when I renewed my domain name for awesome deal of one-hundred-dollars-for-the-next-five-years I thought, “sure, that’ll be great. I am sure that in five years I’ll still need my domain name even if my website changes before then…” By “changes” I was hoping that meant being picked up by an artists’ management firm and having my website design overhauled to coordinate with the style and layout of the other artists on the roster.

Well, here I am…five years later. Age thirty-five and not a managed artist and no longer a professional singer. (In operaworld being thirty-five years old is still considered quite young and yet having certain professional credentials by that age is seen in the business as an indication of whether one has the capacity of “making it”). I am not even teaching voice lessons, for that matter. So there’s honestly no real need for my own domain and website to exist. Still, today, when I saw it was gone, it felt weird. I admit that I had a small twinge of melancholy for I no longer have a place on the web that features my bio, my reviews, my resume and stage photos. It’s no longer useful to this married-mom-in-the-Midwest with a nine-to-five desk job. Sometimes that life, the one of the struggling-artist-scraping-the-funds-together-to-travel-on-a-transcontinental-red-eye-flight-to-catch-an-audition, seems like an entire lifetime ago. But it really was just about three years ago that I decided to give it all up. Until then, I had spent most of my life making my dreams of being a professional performance artist a reality and suddenly, as my late twenties gave way to my early thirties, I was no longer satisfied with that trajectory. I had never imagined that I’d ever feel compelled to give it up, but I did. The only singing I do these days are acappella intonations of made up ditties and repeated refrains from childhood lullabies. No piano, certainly no orchestra and for the most part, no vibrato. Just simple singing of simple tunes in a simple way. It’s quite amazing that so much has changed in such a short amount of time.

Five years ago, when I renewed myname.com domain for another five years I had aspirations of being thirty-five and singing leading roles at The Met. Of traveling across the Atlantic to make my debut in some vintage European opera house and translating my stellar reviews into English so I could post them proudly to my Press Page. Of appearing through the stage door at midnight with my naturally curly hair coaxed into swoopy, romantic waves from being pinned into circles under the wig I had worn on stage that night. Of smiling graciously, saying “Thank you, I am glad you enjoyed it” or “...it’s always a privilege to perform this piece” while signing programs with the autograph I had so carefully practiced to look effortlessly artistic and befitting of a diva. Of wearing sparkling, silk gowns and sipping imported wine with well-known maestros while cleverly negotiating my next big debut. The person that paid a hundred bucks to have five more years with her own plot in cyberspace never imagined that she’d ever give up singing. Or get married. Or move to the Midwest. Or have a day job. Or have a baby. Today? That person is happier than she had ever been when she was her own dot-com. Go figure.

First Quarter of Mommyhood

2010-05-26T15:06:00.004-05:00

Libby turned four months old yesterday. Four months! Where have I been? In a sleep-deprived-fog, apparently. Well, not really. Once I got okay with the fact that despite saying “I’ll never”... I am! Bed sharing, that is. She sleeps in our bed every night and we’re loving it. It makes for a great night’s sleep, actually. We go down most nights between 10-11 p.m. and I wake up at 5 a.m. to get ready for work. She’ll nurse sometime between 2-3 a.m. but I usually sleep right through it. On weekends she’ll nurse again at 5 a.m. and we all sleep in until about 9 a.m. It works brilliantly. So much so that I am thinking we’ll be keeping this arrangement for much longer than I had originally planned.

Before she was born, we had planned on co-sleeping using the Arm’s Reach Co-Sleeper (ARCS) until she was about three months old (how I picked that age I don’t know, I guess I figured three months is long enough for an infant to sleep in her parent’s room…wow, how uninformed I was back then). Anyway, she’s a big baby and getting taller by the day and soon won’t fit in her ARCS. So I am formulating a Plan B. I think we might go with this. The problem is, our crib won’t sidecar because it’s got built-in drawers and a changer. So, that means purchasing a second crib/mattress just for the purpose of creating the sidecar situation. I can probably do this via Craigslist for under $150. The other option is just to keep doing what we’re doing which is, most nights the ARCS is acting as a bed rail and she’s sleeping tucked under my arm between me and it. Rarely, we manage to move her over into it, but not as often as I thought we would when I bought the thing. It’s amazing what that 6 inch “lip” does to create a huge barrier to moving a sleeping baby successfully into it. I'll add that to the “wish I had know this before...” list that grows by the day when you’re a new parent.

At least if we sidecar a crib it will create one sleeping surface between our mattress and the crib mattress, which means I can nurse her side-lying with her on the crib mattress and me on my mattress and then have room to roll onto my back and spread out while I sleep. Right now I have to sleep on my side the entire night. And I was so looking forward to not being pregnant anymore and getting back to sleeping on my back.

My only hesitation is this…is it worth buying another crib/mattress to create a sidecar situation? Or should I just tough it out and keep sleeping like we’re sleeping and then consider moving her into her own room and crib in another 2-3 months? Or in 2-3 months will I still want to be bed-sharing and wishing that I had just gone ahead and side-carred a crib? Oh the decisions. In retrospect, we should have not purchased a crib until after she was born and we were more sure of what we would be doing for sleep. It’s funny, because in my last trimester, having the crib in her room somehow made it all feel more real and gave me a sense of peace that we were ready for her arrival. We registered for it and my father sent it as a gift. We mainly use it to store her clothing and for diaper changes. And a random nap here or there. But she’s certainly never spent the night in it. Maybe someday she will, or we’ll just convert it to the youth bed and have her sleep in it when she’s ready as a bigger toddler. But for now, our bed is her bed and we like it that way. More so than I ever thought we would. Because I was one of those who swore, “I’ll never have my baby sleeping in our bed. Never.” Never say never. My “never” only lasted a few weeks. And here we are at four months, loving that we share the bed with our little one.

A Case of the Mondays

2010-05-24T15:28:00.004-05:00

Monday has never been my favorite day of the week. In fact as Sunday winds down I usually get mopey because that means Monday is just around the corner. Save for those few Mondays every year that are a holiday. I like those Mondays. But usually, I am not a fan.

I love Thursdays. Maybe because as a kid my favorite TV shows were on Thursday evenings. Or perhaps it’s because, for years, it was chorus rehearsal night and I always looked forward to that. Now that I have a “real” nine-to-five job I love Thursdays even more because it means that I am already more than half-way through the work week and the next day is Friday. Fridays at work always seem to fly by and in general, everyone seems to be in good spirits. But Mondays? No thank you.

Except, my Libby was born on a Monday. That was the best Monday of my life. It’s been 17 Mondays since she was born. And three of them have had me dragging myself out of bed, away from her warm little body and sweet baby sighs and into slacks that are still a little too snug around the waist and shoes that feel a little too high. She stirs from her slumber between 4 and 5 a.m. and I quickly change her diaper and snuggle her back into my side of the bed (well, it’s really our side nowadays) and nurse her back to sleep. She’s like a magnet, though, and tries her best to pull me back to dreamland with her, but I resist and finally pry myself out of the bed and into the reality of being a working mother who has to be in the office by 7 a.m.

So, Monday still isn’t my favorite day of the week. Now, it’s the day that abruptly ends those two lovely days I have in a row with my baby girl when I can nurse her whenever she wants and my trusty Medela pump and its parts stay sanitized and tucked away. It’s the day I put on my professional attire and try to focus on data reports and not let my mind wander to wonder what cute little thing she might be doing. My efforts to push ahead and be so busy that the day flies by without too much time lost to missing her are completely futile once I feel my milk letdown. My body instantly reminds me that I am most definitely missing my little one. And then my heart aches.

The only thing that makes Monday tolerable is that it was the day she was born. But otherwise? I hate Mondays.

Happy Birthday, Mr. Right

2010-05-22T08:30:00.003-05:00

Today is J's 33rd birthday. And what a year it has been. On this day last year, we found out we were expecting. And here we are today with Libby, who will be four months old on Tuesday. Yes, what a fantastic year it has been. With the pregnancy and travels and nursing classes and work and taking care of a newborn, J is one amazing man. He is always right there, doing whatever it takes, no matter what. So, today we celebrate J and all that he has been and all that he is yet to become. But mostly we celebrate who he is today, right now. Happy Birthday to my Mr. Right.

Recollection

2010-05-20T20:15:00.004-05:00

Tonight, as I settled Libby down to sleep, I reached over to turn on her sound machine and rather than the usual "ocean" sounds to which we normally set it, my finger brushed the "womb" setting. I saw a flash in Libby's eyes like she remembered that sound. It brought tears to my eyes to see that.

The last time that I had heard this sound was when my own womb sounds were broadcast into the room by the fetal monitor on her birth day. It had been a sound that I had grown to know intimately over the ten weeks preceding her birth since, once I had started insulin injections to manage my gestational diabetes, I had to go to the hospital each Thursday to monitor her in a non-stress test.

I remember the nurses always asking me if I wanted them to turn down the monitor with its constant whir of the heart that was beating within me but that was not my own. My answer was always the same. "No thank you...I love to listen to her heart beating..." They always offered me the remote control to the little TV in the monitoring room and I always declined, instead asking them to turn out the lights so I could lay there and concentrate on the woosh-woosh-woosh of my Little Being. Every Thursday for ten weeks this was my ritual. Sometimes I'd watch the lines dance on the monitor screen and wonder what she was up to in there. But usually, I'd close my eyes and just listen.

Libby Jo in July 2009

Tonight, I made the connection that while I was doing that on the outside, once a week for an hour or so, my little one was doing that 24/7 for nine-plus months. And tonight, when I hit that button on her sound machine, it flipped the switch in her memory of her time there, not so long ago that it had been forgotten. It was amazing to see it flash across her face in the glimmer of her sleepy eyes as they became heavier with the comfort of being swaddled and rocked to sleep. It was shown just before the sweetest smile that breaks across her lips as she falls to sleep. I love to see that little "I'm off to la-la-land" smile. Sixteen weeks in the world isn't very long when compared to the 39 weeks and three days she spent in utero. So tonight, she sleeps to the comforting sounds of the womb. The ocean can wait until tomorrow.

What it means to be sorta crunchy

2010-05-15T23:57:00.001-05:00

The older I get the more I am realizing that I am more crunchy than not. I mean, compared to many of my fellow San Francisicans I guess I might be slightly crispy, but here, in Tulsa, I am definitely considered more granola. Here's a fun little quiz to see where you might score on the spectrum. I scored 108. That puts me in the "Mmm! Love that whole grain crunch!" category.

Here's what makes me a sorta-crunchy mama:

1) Exclusively breastfeeding for the first 6 months and then introducing solids around 6 months using "baby-led weaning." Will plan to breastfeed at least until 12 months and probably beyond.
2) Bed-sharing for now and will transition to co-sleeping soon (she'll stay in our room, but not in our bed)
3) We're using cloth diapers and wipes and wash them at home. I use the clothesline to sun them about once a week.
4) We practice babywearing.
5) Following the principles of Attachment Parenting.
6) Refused certain vaccines at Libby's birth.
7) Attempted a natural birth using the Bradley Birth Method and used a doula.
8) Libby's clothing and nursery is 99% recycled items bought via consignment, Craigslist and eBay.

But for really granola, tree hugging folks I would probably be considered more conventional than not...we buy organic when we can, but we don't eat organic foods exclusively. We're not vegan or even vegetarian although we do try to eat as healthfully as possible, avoiding processed foods and choosing whole grains like quinoa. That doesn't mean we don't enjoy pizza delivery from time to time or breakfast at our local greasy spoon complete with bacon. We recycle. We bring our own, reusable bags with us when we shop. We try to stick to eco-friendly cleaning supplies and personal products. But we also leave our electronics plugged in 24/7 and use modern conveniences like a dishwasher and microwave oven.

So we're "in between" and I think that's okay. The only weird thing is that I am too hippy-dippy for most conventional-types and too-conventional for the more hippy-dippy folks. I know that I am not alone, but sometimes I feel that it has to be "all or nothing" to feel like I fit in somewhere. Especially when it comes to parenting choices.

In general, it seems that if you choose something that is in opposition of another's parenting choice, then it can become a bone of contention. For example, if I cloth diaper, then I must think parents who use disposables are wrong. If I chose to breastfeed than I am judging the mom who chooses to use formula. If we want to bed-share then we must think parents who put their baby in a crib are neglecting them. None of this could be further from the truth! I know there may be some folks who feel this way, but not me. The beauty of parenthood is that there is no one right way to do it. Only the way that is best for me and my family. And if that's different than what other parents chose for them and their family, then so be it. I just wish more people could be okay with that. But I guess as long as there are people who are insecure in their own choices, there will be those who pass judgement on others. As long as people have to feel right there will be squabbles over things like this. Nothing is black and white though. Especially not parenting.

Separation Anxiety

2010-05-12T15:34:00.002-05:00

Yesterday was a rough day at work and couldn't help but be overwhelmed by feelings of questioning whether or not I am doing the right thing by being a working mother. Never mind that my not having a job isn't even an option right now. I feel so guilty about leaving my little one all day while I am at work. I know she's in great hands with her daddy and grandma, but I, selfishly I guess, want to be there to witness all of her cuteness as it unfolds throughout the day.

I want to hear her giggle in the morning upon waking and see her get excited when she plays with her toys for the first time each day. But alas, these moments will have to be cherished on the weekends, since I am out the door before 7 a.m. while she snoozes away next to her daddy. I know I am not the first woman to feel torn about going back to work after having a baby.

We always hear about baby developing separation anxiety but what about mamas having it too? I know that millions of women around the world do it everyday. And with a lot less support than I have. And I know I should be incredibly grateful since my situation allows me to come home each day for lunch to nurse Libby and play with her. And that she gets to stay home with her daddy and grandmother while I am working is a major gift. We won't even need to consider a formal day care situation until she's at least one year old.

But my heart aches during the day because I am away from her. And I feel anxious from the moment I leave the house until the moment I get home. I am hoping that, in time, this will subside and I will find a new rhythm. But I am pretty sure finding a happy balance between being a mother and a working woman (outside the home) is a long haul. Maybe by the time she's eighteen I'll have figured it out.

Little Being

2010-05-10T15:38:00.001-05:00

A year ago today my sweet Libby was a hope and a prayer. A year ago today she was conceived with love. How do I know? Because when you're nearly 35 and trying to make a baby you don't leave these sort of things to chance. I was charting my cycles with help of FertilityFriend.com, noting my BBT and CM daily as well as using OPKs and my trusty CBEFM. We were able to pinpoint my peak fertility days and in two cycles of TTC we were successful. We actually conceived on Mother's Day (US) 2009. How cool is that? And I found out that we were expecting on J's 32nd birthday. Totally awesome.

from The Miracle Within

I blogged my entire TTC and PG somewhat anonymously on a group blog of ladies doing the same and went back today to read the posts from this time last year. It made me smile to read how excited and anxious I was that this could be it! And here were are, a year later holding our sweet baby girl. Our "little being" as we called her long before we knew she'd be a she. Life is truly a marvel. To think that a little tiny poppy seed sized collection of cells created from loving eachother in the most intimate of ways is now our rolly-poly, pink-cheeked girl with mischievous eyes and a flirty smile. My heart skips a beat just thinking about it.

And this time next year? I think we might be dusting off the old BBT and CBEFM. At least I hope so.

First {Official} Mother's Day

2010-05-09T13:46:00.006-05:00

Today I am celebrating my first Mother's Day. Well, officially. I actually started celebrating it in 2004 when we adopted Regina on Mother's Day. She was my furbaby from the start and definitely helped me get in touch with my maternal instincts (which until then had only be slightly activated by my becoming an auntie). I would get Mother's Day cards from the dog (which J would pick up and sign for her)...it's was cute and fun. The of course, I'd do the same each Father's Day with cards from the dog and the cat. Our furbabies are our babies.

But now, we have Libby and we're parents of another human being. I do think caring for our pets has helped prepare us for her in many ways. But in so many more ways, we're just beginning to learn what it means to be a daddy and a mommy. And most days I feel I am not that great at it. At least not yet. Maybe I have too many expectations of myself, but I want to be a good mama to Libby. To know what she needs and then be able to meet those needs. I love her more and more each day and her little twinkling eyes and big gummy grin melt my heart again and again. And I can rock her and just burst into tears watching her little face go off to dream land. She is so precious and I am so grateful that she's chosen me to be her mother. And I promise that I will do my best to live up to that.

So today, I celebrate becoming a mother. It feels odd to say that. I am just learning, really. And I am so lucky to have my own mom here with us. It's wonderful to see her with Libby and also to have her support and encouragement as I come into my own as a mother. Last night she took me and Libby to dinner and today J cooked up a wonderful brunch. And there were cards...from Libby (signed by J, of course) and from J and from my mom. Regina and Luigi and Bella? Well, they no longer give Mother's Day cards, I guess. But they show their appreciation too with licks and purrs.

To every mother, grandmother, auntie and godmother...and especially new mamas....happy Mother's Day to you!

Now that I am a mother...

2010-05-08T09:26:00.016-05:00

I feel I need to make amends to those parents before me that I judged in ways that I simply couldn't understand:

To my older cousin whom I unfairly judged when she was still breastfeeding her 14 month old son. At the time (and to be fair I was 22) I just thought it was so gross and ridiculous that she let her walking and talking son with teeth treat her like a snack bar (he'd lift up her shirt while she was mid-sentence and start crying for milk). Now that I am a nursing mother myself I realize what a gift it is to be able to nourish a baby, both physically and emotionally, with my milk. If all goes well, I hope to be nursing Libby well after her first birthday.

To my brother and sister-in-law who received all sorts of flack from me for letting their daughter sleep with them until she was about 3 years old. Now, with my own, I see the importance of bed-sharing to foster the nursing relationship, especially as a working mother. I also recognize the benefits for baby...co-sleeping and/or bed-sharing (if done safely) is the natural thing for a mother and baby to do. And for what it's worth, I see my niece, now 8, sleeps just fine on her own, in her own bed, in her own room.

To my friends who used a blow dryer to create white noise and calm their newborn baby. Boy, I though they were nuts. Now I know better. They're geniuses! It's the only way we can get our baby to calm down when she's totally ramped up and crying at the top of her lungs!

To every parent on a plane or in a store who's had a screaming kid that I gave the side-eye too. I now realize that you know how annoying it is to everyone else that your kid is screaming. But even more, I now know that it's pure torture for you to see your baby in pain (physical and/or emotional) and that his/her crying stirs a biological response that is overwhelming and the last thing you needed was a complete stranger passing judgement on you.

Finally, to my former self...who thought she would never want to be a mother...."how ordinary, how expected!" I am sorry that I almost denied you this wonderful gift...for the promise of a career or not being tied down or whatever it was that I feared might happen if you were to have children. I am glad you waited, until the time was really right for you...when you truly yearned to become a mother. And now that I am, no amount of fame or money or glamour could ever replace how I feel as a mother. It's the most amazing thing in the world. It's truly transformative. And I am so lucky be able to experience its awesomeness.

Feeling Down

2010-05-04T21:21:00.026-05:00

Today my Dad left after a ten day visit. It's the first time we've seen him since July 2008. It was great to see him with Libby and it made me extra grateful that despite him and my mom getting divorced when I was just six months old, he's always been present in my life. He moved to Alaska after their separation and has been there ever since...almost 35 years now. Growing up in San Francisco and spending my summers in Alaska brings back great memories. I really had the best of both worlds. And despite never living in my father's home (except for one year when I was three and my mom needed to get herself together) I have always felt very close to him. I cherish that. And hope that Libby will be close with him too, despite our geographical distance. I want to get a webcam so we can have regular video chats via Skype. It's on my to-do list. Especially since the majority of our loved ones live West of the Rockies.

Adding to my sadness is the fact that my maternity leave officially ends today. Tomorrow, I am back to work, eight hours a day, five days a week. As much as I love my job, I love Libby a million times more! And I cannot help but feel guilty that I'll be missing out on her life 40+ hours each week. If only I could get paid to love her! I am grateful to have had this time home with her. Just one week over her three month mark. I cannot imagine how the poor mommies who have to leave their babies at just six or eight weeks old do it. I'd be a wreck! Well, I am already and Libby is twice the age of most babies that are left behind when mom goes back to work. I am extremely lucky that I live close enough to my office that I can go home for lunch and nurse her. And when she's not with me she'll be with her daddy and/or grandmother.

Speaking of which, my Mom was supposed to arrive home today after 10 days of visiting family (she planned her trip to perfectly coincide with my Dad's visit here so he wouldn't need to stay in a hotel). We headed to the airport and were even about 10 minutes late and there's was no sight of her. I called her cell, twice. Texted. No replies. I started to panic a bit. I went to the ticket counter and asked the customer service rep to pull her name up on the computer system to verify that she had made her connection out of DFW. Not only had she not been on that flight, she never made her first flight of the day. Now I am really panicked. Heart racing, I dialed my Brother in California to see if he'd heard any news. Nothing. We drove home to get my Aunt's number (where my mom had been visiting) and the entire way my mind reeled with every worst-case scenario that could have prevented her from making her flight (I'll chalk this up to watching too many episodes of Law and Order and Cold Case Files while Dad was here). We get home and I called my Auntie. She could tell by the tone of my voice that I was worried. I hear my Mom giggle in the background and then start saying "oh no! oh no!" Turns out she was a day behind herself and completely missed her flights because she thought she was scheduled to leave tomorrow! Whew. I guess vacationing in paradise can do that to a person. Thankfully, she was able to rebook her flights for tomorrow. I can laugh about it now, but seriously, for about an hour today I was in a total panic and thought my mom might be dead in a ditch somewhere!

And so was my last day on maternity leave. I was tearful...sad to say goodbye to my Dad and emotional about all the "little" things I'll be missing out on with Libby as I head to the office each day. I never really thought I'd like to be a stay-at-home-mom, I love my job and enjoy the people at work. But I could see myself doing really well as a SAHM. It's just not possible though since I am the main income earner these days. Which leads to me another thought...why is that in the majority of Baby and Parenting magazines I keep reading these articles about how mothers should "re-asses" to see if they really need to return to work with advice like "rework your budget and see if it doesn't make better financial sense to quit your job than to return..." Um, what are we, in the 1950's? It's not like most mothers are working so they can just have some "fun money" or extra funds to buy a new dress. Most mothers I know, at least, work because they have to in order to pay the bills, the mortgage and put food on the table. Most of my female friends who work and have kids are the primary income earner for their family (married or not)...it really irks me to see these articles published every month in these parents' magazines. It's not in touch with reality at all. Well neither is wearing 4-inch heels, that cost more than my monthly grocery bill, to the playground for a playdate, but I digress.