Home is where the heart is...

I've been a bad blogger. This summer has been so crazy and so many unexpected things have come to pass that I cannot keep up...

On Sunday we returned from a week long vacation in California. It started with a cousin's wedding in Beverly Hills, two nights at my-best-friend-since-the-third-grade's house in Alta Loma followed by a six hour drive north on Highway 5 to my twin brother's house in Tracy. While we were all at the wedding his plumbing backed up and flooded his house! What a nightmare. His babysitter (who was watching four kids at the time) managed to clean up the worst of it, but he and my sister-in-law returned home on Monday and did the rest of the dirty work. When we arrived on Tuesday evening, there was a wrecking crew there taking out floors and drywall and installing huge, industrial fans and dehumidifiers. We stayed one night and decided to move on to our BFFs place in Modesto. They just welcomed their second son in July and have a two year old. We stayed in their cozy guest room for three nights and then returned to my brother's for one last night before heading to the airport at 4 a.m. We landed in Tulsa at 6 p.m. and by then had sore throats. Not good.

Monday I went into work for 5 hours and then came home early so J could go to class (since my mom is still on vacation, visiting her sisters in Oregon). I got home and spiked a fever and had chills as well as achy joints. Libby had a runny nose and was feverish too. We climbed into bed and napped and nursed off and on from 1 p.m. until 7 p.m. J has a scratchy throat too and was feeling run down as well. We turned in at 9 p.m. but were up all night with Libby. I finally conceded to sleeping with her in the rocker/recliner in her nursery. At 8 a.m. I fell into bed while J got her ready to see the pedi. Turns out she has a virus that needs to run its course. I assume J and I have the same. I stayed home from work today to rest and hopefully kick this bug! It sucks that the price for a week away from home is coming back sick. Libby is 7 months and 6 days old and this is the first time she's every been ill. So sad. Hopefully it'll pass quickly.

Our week in California was a whirlwind. We crammed in as many visits as possible and Libby met a ton of people...she loved every moment! She's SO social. She slept like a rock each night from all of the activity which impressed upon us that we need to do more with her, here at home.  Speaking of home, Sunday, when we arrived in Tulsa and made our drive into midtown to our neighborhood I actually felt like we were on our way home.  Weird.  It's taken two years for me to feel that way.  Before, I felt like going to California was going home and although being there feels SO familiar and comfortable, it didn't exactly feel like home anymore.  I do not miss the crazy traffic and hectic pace there at all.  And the smoggy air either.  I do miss the people though.  My brothers and best friends.  I will I could get them all to move here!  Thankfully, my mom is here...if she weren't I know I'd be more homesick.  So...for now, Tulsa is home. It's our daughter's birthplace.  And where we'll be for some time.  That said, I cannot wait until our next trip to California.  Maybe for Libby's first birthday?  We shall see.

A Couple of Firsts

After three months of drooling, gnawing, and general malaise Libby finally has something to show for it!  Not one, but TWO little pearly whites poking through her front, lower gums!  I felt the first one, on the left, on Sunday.  And today, the second one popped through!  Ah, my baby is growing up!

And tonight, she said "mama!" Loud and clear.  We've suspected we've heard it a time or two in the past (in fact J and my mom SWEAR Libby entered this word saying "mom"), but tonight, during dinner, she reached for me from her high chair and said, "mama."  Clear as day.  And then said it again and again!  I started to tear up...my baby!  Saying "mama."  Just the first of a million, trillion times to come, no doubt.  I mean, I am nearly 36 and still call my mom "mommy" most days.  Well, usually in private.  In public, she's mom.  But still.  It was sweet to hear Libby's "mmmm" roll into a long "ahh" and then a fast set of "mmm...aaahhh" blurt out right after it.  Of course, I tried to capture it on my dying 4.0 pixel digital camera (that'll capture 60 seconds of grainy video) and "ERR" kept flashing on the display.  I think it's finally died.  So what did I do?  Used my cell phone, on speaker, to call my house phone and capture Libby's first "mamas" on our voicemail.  Yeah, I am a dork. And obviously in desperate need of a Flip Camera.  Like yesterday.





Speaking of dinner and the highchair, it's been about four weeks since we started baby-led weaning (or child-led solids, which is more descriptive of what it actually is...).  Libby is doing great!  She's getting into it more now that we have a little routine down.  She's still pretty much in the touching and tasting (and squishing and flinging) stage but actually has consumed bits here and there (as there are tell tale signs in her potty)! She's tried quite a few things (all have been organic, unless noted with a [*]).  We usually slice them into 2-3" stick shape or wedges and most things are baked, roasted, grilled or steamed:

sweet potato♥
carrots♥
broccoli
spinach
asparagus
zucchini♥
cucumber
apple sauce (no sugar added)
apple♥
peach
plum
plain yogurt
hummus
Baby MumMums*
Happy Baby Puffs
whole grain bread, toasted
rice pasta
grilled pork chop*
grilled chicken thighs*
turkey meatball*
scrambled egg yolk



She loves to dine at the table with us and even though we can only do it as a family four times a week (brunch on the weekends and dinner on Mondays and Tuesdays), it's so worth it.  Otherwise, she eats with me or with her daddy.  I am so glad we've decided to do BLW, especially since I am certain Libby would not have use spoon feeding her mush anyway. She's way too independent for that!

Overwhelmed With Love

Sometimes, when I look at my little one, I am so overwhelmed by my feelings of love that it brings me to tears.  Like tonight, as I rocked her...the tears just came as I watched her drift off to sleep.  It used to worry me...the fact that I could cry so easily.  But I know realize that it's okay. Tears don't always mean sadness.  And as much as laughter and a smile can express my joy, something about crying is also a release of the love that swells inside of me.  I have always been sensitive to beauty...be it art or music or poetry or a moment...like tonight.  And it brings me to tears.

A lot of parenting feels overwhelming...the love, the wonder....and the frustration too.  Like last night.  Libby just didn't want to sleep.  We rocked and nursed and snuggled and had white noise and she would fight the entire time. Then, she'd finally give in, fall asleep and then the dogs would bark and she'd be wide awake again!  This went on from 6 - 11 p.m.  I think she finally just passed out due to sheer exhaustion! And I was exhausted too!

My mom is away for two weeks and I am realizing just how much she's been a help...a savior...to us in these first six months of parenthood.  When I get home from work, she'll play with Libby so I can get something to eat and get out of my work clothes.  If I give Libby a bath she'll help me get her dried off and dressed.  These "little things" all add up to a tremendous amount of help and also to some balance for me.  She's home in the daytime too and helps J a lot as well.  I always knew that we were incredibly lucky to have her living with us right now, but this time apart just reaffirms it for me.  And I am so grateful that my little girl is developing a very special relationship with her grandma and that my mom is here to help me as I learn to become a mother.

Lately, I have been feeling restless...some things have changed at work and that has led me to reevaluate my path.  It's a good thing, even if it was prompted rather unexpectedly by circumstances beyond my control.  And as I think about our future, I am opening my mind up to all of the possibilities that exist...even the ones I am not even aware of at this moment.  Five years ago I never, in a million years, would have imagined that I'd be married, living in Tulsa with my mom, my husband and our baby.  Never.  So who knows where we'll be in the next five years?  Not me.  I have hopes and dreams, but won't fully know where we'll until we get there.  And that's okay.  A little overwhelming.  But okay none the less.

First {Half} Birthday!

Libby is six months old today.  Half a year.  Already. Wow!  Where is 2010 going?  I cannot believe that six months ago we had this little, tiny newborn girl and today she's a big, healthy baby getting ready to crawl!  She's developing SO fast!  In the past month she's learned to sit unassisted, is grabbing at EVERYTHING, scooting to get what she wants, reaching for people and pets, tasting food and |thisclose| to saying "mama."  She also continues to teethe like crazy and still, no actual teeth are in sight! Poor little.  She's fiercely independent.  And extremely curious.  She's also got a hot temper and a silly sense of humor.  She just loves to laugh!  And squeal.  Loudly.  What can you expect?  She's the daughter of two opera singers!

I can barely remember our life before Libby...isn't that weird?  I mean, we've been together almost nine years, so obviously there was a lot of life together before she came along.  But these past six months...I don't know...it's as if our life together before her seems like ancient history now.  And sure, we can get caught up in the day-to-day stuff like, "Did she poop today?" and "We need to wash her diapers" or "What time did she go down for a nap?" and "She needs new clothes, these ones are too small!"  but through it all we are so in love with our baby girl.  And more in love than ever with each other.  Watching her grow and change these past six months is nothing short of amazing.  What a miracle a new life is.  And how blessed are we to be her parents?  She has made our lives so much richer. 

I know that these next six months will fly by as fast as the first and soon we'll be celebrating her first birthday.  Wow.  And to think this time last year she was about the size of a plum!  Now?  She's a tall girl already...I figured she would be since I am 5'9" and her daddy is 6"3'. She's headed into size 24 month clothing.  I am not kidding.  Her 18 month size things are getting quite snug, both in length and width.  I doubt we'll be finding any cutesy item that says "Baby's First Christmas" in her size come December.  I try to find things that fit but are age-appropriate...especially developmentally appropriate.  She's not even crawling yet, so we need things that allow her freedom of movement and aren't binding at the waist...not an easy feat when most things her size are styled for toddlers.  Luckily, it's still hot so she wears one-piece bubble rompers or onesies most of the time right now.  When it turns cooler, I hope she'll fit into the one-piece Carter's outfits we have for her in 24 months size.  After that?  I suspect she'll be wearing 3T, which means no more diaper-friendly snaps in the crotch.  Oh boy.  Maybe once she starts crawling she'll slow down a bit on the growing, but I doubt it. And I think Santa need to bring this girl a basketball hoop.  Seriously.

New Stuff

I have totally been slacking on updating the blog.  Work has been insanely busy and we had about a week of Libby not wanting to sleep.  I think due to teething (again) and developmental strides.  Thankfully, the last few nights she's settled back into a routine of going down for the night without a problem.  I swear, I thought we might kill the blow dryer and break the rocking chair last week!

Libby's high chair arrived last week and it was a snap to put together.  It's a Keekaroo Height Right Chair.  We got it with the tray and cushion set:

The only thing "wrong" with it is that the warning label and logo were upside down on the parts.  Perhaps that's why I got such a deal on it from Overstock.com.  We paid less than $200 for it...similarly designed Svans and Tripp Trapps go for much more than that, so I am glad we found this deal.  We definitely needed to get something that she won't outgrow since she is tending to be WAY off the charts in height and weight for her age.  We just moved her into size 18-24 month clothing this week and she'll only be 6 months old come Sunday.

She loves sitting in her chair and started joining us for meal times.  She's tasted a few things but has yet to really eat any food.  That's okay with us and definitely part of baby-led solids anyway.  Thankfully she's still nursing like a champ and my milk supply is as strong as ever (despite taking a hit last month due to stress).

We also got rid of her adorably cute but oh so impractical Bebe Lace Green rug.  I love the design of it but it's impossible to keep clean even though we are shoe-free household and I vacuum it religiously. It seems to just attract dust like a magnet!  After three months of use it was looking really shabby and not in a chic way. It wasn't cheap either and I am frustrated that a rug specifically designed and sold for children's rooms is so difficult.  So, it's off to the cleaners to see if they can do anything for it and in its place are these awesome foam tiled squares.  We got them in pink and white (one set of each color) for $49 from GetRung.com.  They shipped quickly and were so easy to lay out and snap together.  I put them in a checkerboard pattern (trying to echo the patchwork quilt on the daybed) and although they're not as "shabby chic" as my adorable yet filthy area rug, they are super cute and better still, super functional.  Libby loved them immediately...she felt the texture of them for a good 20 minutes.  And when she topples over she doesn't cry because they absorb the fall (unlike said chi-chi area rug, even with a pad)!

We are also preparing to take our first plane ride with Miss Libby and have decided to lug our Graco32 and Snap 'n' Go along for the trip.  I wasn't comfortable renting a car seat and bringing our own seems to be the best solution.  That said, she HATES being in it on the Snap 'n' Go because she'd rather sit up when she's strolling (we usually take her for walks in a second-hand Schwinn Jog Stroller that I got for $30), but we're bringing it anyway to navigate the airports on our travel days.  We also got a J.L. Childress Ultimate Carseat Travel Bag to protect the car seat since they can get pretty beat up even when they are gate checked. 

And I finally got an Ergo!  We went with the Ergo Sport in black since it's supposedly a better fit for larger/taller parents and cooler fabric for the baby.  I tried it the other day and the jury is still out on whether or not I like it.  Libby seems sort of squished in it, at least when she is in front.  I have yet to try a back carry with it.  I have 30 days to return it and well, I am just not sure about it.  I think I prefer wraps.  I really, really want a Storchenwiege (Anna) or Vatanai (Koira) but they are pricey, especially because I want to get the longest size.  So, maybe in the Fall I will have the funds to get a woven wrap.  Libby seems to like being wrapped as well and I love that there are so many versatile carries that can be done with a wrap.  Wovens are supposed to be very supportive which is essential since she's over 20 lbs. now.  I wish there were a babywearing group or MeetUp here in Tulsa so I could meet other parents who wear their babies and also see/try out different wraps and carriers.  I might just have to start one up...I see moms from time to time out and about with their little ones in ring slings or mei teis, so I know I am not the only one in town!

Catching Up

June 2010 was a very rough month...I cannot get into all of the details (since you never really know who might be reading along) but I will say that it was quite challenging, both personally and professionally.  I have learned that tomorrow is never a guarantee and just when you think something might be solid and long-lasting you find out that it's not.  The reminder is difficult to accept, but I am working on it and moving forward... lately, I've been asking myself, "what do I want to be when I grow up?"

You'd think at nearly 36 years of age I'd have answered that for myself some time ago.  And for the most part, I have.  But professionally speaking, I am in limbo right now.  And faced with 20, 30 or maybe even 40 more years of earning an income ahead of me, I want to chose a path that will be rewarding, both personally and economically speaking.  I already know that being a mother and raising children will be the most challenging and rewarding job I ever have...if only there was a way to earn an income for being a mother!  I read somewhere that if moms were paid a wage for all that they do, they'd make something like half a million dollars a year!  I know that money isn't everything, but I think it is easier for those with it to say that.  And I am also aware of how abundant my life is, yet I still have goals that only financial security will buy...like becoming a home owner, helping my children through college and someday, becoming debt-free.

I was always told, "with hard work and determination you can be whatever you want to be."  And for the most part, that has been true.  But there is a point where even if you work hard and are determined, there are factors beyond your control that can affect the situation as well.  And those factors can be difficult obstacles to overcome.  So, for now, I am embracing an attitude of gratitude for all that I have in my life and opening myself up to the possibilities beyond what I already see.  I have been feeling "old" lately.  I mean, my baby cousin is getting married in a month, my baby nephew is a teenager now and my baby girl is nearly six months old!  How does this happen?  Time is just racing by!  And before I know it, I'll be 40 and then 45 and then 50 and have a teenager of my own.  What will I be doing then?  Will I have gone back to school (for yet another degree)?  Will I have started (yet another) business?  I have no idea.  And that troubles me right now.  I hate the in-between, limbo of not knowing.  I've never been good at it. So I am trying to just be in it and not fight the unknown right now.

Aside from this personal turmoil I've been, Libby is continuing to develop at lightening speed!  Infant pottying is going amazingly well and most days we don't have to change a poopy diaper because she goes in the potty.  She's getting ready to start solids...we've had her at the table with us during meals and she's had her first tastes of banana, mashed potato and hummus.  I ordered her a highchair today so that we can start putting food on her tray and letting her go for it.  I am excited that we're going with Baby Led Weaning (although I prefer to call it Child Led Solids, since she really won't be weaned for at least another 6-12 months...)  She is still teething like crazy but there are no signs of actual teeth just yet.  She's started making new sounds, like "mmmmm...." and "ooooohhhh" and I am hoping to hear "mama" really soon.  Now that she's been sitting unassisted for a couple of weeks she's learning to scoot on her bottom towards things.  It's really cute.  And so it goes...time is passing quickly and my newborn is now a curious little baby.  Witnessing her growth is priceless and being her mom is worth more to me than all the money in the world.

Breastfeeding Jesus

I love this...it is from one of my favorite bloggers, Dr. Momma at Peaceful Parenting:

I have been reflecting a lot lately on my nursing relationship with Libby as we near the sixth month and are thinking about the beginning of weaning through the introduction of solids.  She's been showing signs of readiness...most recently sitting unassisted, on her own (just one day shy of her fifth month birthday):

I am so glad we've made it this far and that she's thriving on just my milk.  At five months old she's 21 pounds and 27 inches long...it's quite amazing.  And when I am stressed or tired nursing calms me as much as it does her.  I am a little saddened to think that soon she'll have more options besides her mama's milk and sometimes wonder if she'll develop a preference to sweet potatoes or bananas...but my goal is to nurse her for at least one year.  If she wants to go longer I'll keep it up as long as we can.