June 2010 was a very rough month...I cannot get into all of the details (since you never really know who might be reading along) but I will say that it was quite challenging, both personally and professionally. I have learned that tomorrow is never a guarantee and just when you think something might be solid and long-lasting you find out that it's not. The reminder is difficult to accept, but I am working on it and moving forward... lately, I've been asking myself, "what do I want to be when I grow up?"
You'd think at nearly 36 years of age I'd have answered that for myself some time ago. And for the most part, I have. But professionally speaking, I am in limbo right now. And faced with 20, 30 or maybe even 40 more years of earning an income ahead of me, I want to chose a path that will be rewarding, both personally and economically speaking. I already know that being a mother and raising children will be the most challenging and rewarding job I ever have...if only there was a way to earn an income for being a mother! I read somewhere that if moms were paid a wage for all that they do, they'd make something like half a million dollars a year! I know that money isn't everything, but I think it is easier for those with it to say that. And I am also aware of how abundant my life is, yet I still have goals that only financial security will buy...like becoming a home owner, helping my children through college and someday, becoming debt-free.
I was always told, "with hard work and determination you can be whatever you want to be." And for the most part, that has been true. But there is a point where even if you work hard and are determined, there are factors beyond your control that can affect the situation as well. And those factors can be difficult obstacles to overcome. So, for now, I am embracing an attitude of gratitude for all that I have in my life and opening myself up to the possibilities beyond what I already see. I have been feeling "old" lately. I mean, my baby cousin is getting married in a month, my baby nephew is a teenager now and my baby girl is nearly six months old! How does this happen? Time is just racing by! And before I know it, I'll be 40 and then 45 and then 50 and have a teenager of my own. What will I be doing then? Will I have gone back to school (for yet another degree)? Will I have started (yet another) business? I have no idea. And that troubles me right now. I hate the in-between, limbo of not knowing. I've never been good at it. So I am trying to just be in it and not fight the unknown right now.
Aside from this personal turmoil I've been, Libby is continuing to develop at lightening speed! Infant pottying is going amazingly well and most days we don't have to change a poopy diaper because she goes in the potty. She's getting ready to start solids...we've had her at the table with us during meals and she's had her first tastes of banana, mashed potato and hummus. I ordered her a highchair today so that we can start putting food on her tray and letting her go for it. I am excited that we're going with Baby Led Weaning (although I prefer to call it Child Led Solids, since she really won't be weaned for at least another 6-12 months...) She is still teething like crazy but there are no signs of actual teeth just yet. She's started making new sounds, like "mmmmm...." and "ooooohhhh" and I am hoping to hear "mama" really soon. Now that she's been sitting unassisted for a couple of weeks she's learning to scoot on her bottom towards things. It's really cute. And so it goes...time is passing quickly and my newborn is now a curious little baby. Witnessing her growth is priceless and being her mom is worth more to me than all the money in the world.