They're here! Libby's Pro Pics from her One Year Photoshoot!

Okay, we took these over two months ago, but I've finally got them! I love how these portraits came out...Malisa has been a wonderful photographer to work with since we got our maternity shots taken with her in November 2009. This session marked the end of our "baby bundle" session and we are thrilled with all of the fantastic photos we have of Libby from her first year! We will treasure them always. Now...I've got to decide which I will have enlarged and framed!

These were taken at a warehouse near 4th and Elgin in Downtown Tulsa:

These were taken at Morgan Street Studios in Broken Arrow:

I asked Malisa to take some portraits of us nursing and we gone ONE and only one because Libby was so distracted by the camera clicking away. That said, I love the ONE we got...and will treasure it always as a memento of this special time in our lives as mother and daughter.

A couple of Valentine's Day shots...inspired by her cute bloomers and headband from RuffleButts.

 And then her cake smash pics!

Where Children Sleep

Leah at The Little Birdy posted a link to this book by James Mollison.  He takes photographs of children and their beds, all over the world.  The images and stories are fascinating and sometimes distubring.  You can view it online here. Be sure to read the stories that accompany the photos. Reviewing it tonight made me extra thankful for the life I live and the home we are able to provide for our sweet little girl. Wow. Just wow.

She's Back!

Hooray, my sweet little girl is back. The past two days have been SO much better. She's gone down at her regular bedtime. Last night, she slept SO well. She was down at 7:30 p.m. and woke up to nurse at 1:30 a.m. and then went back to sleep until 8:30 a.m. It was awesome! I attribute it to this:

We welcomed the first day of Spring with a trip to the park at 41st and Riverside Drive:

We picked up some bagels from Old School Bagels in Brookside and then headed to the park on 41st and Riverside. We had about an hour at the playground. It was so fun to see her playing like a big kid. She climbed on the equipment and went down the slide. She spun in the spinning cup thing (I swear this playground is so modern I have no idea how half of the equipment even works) and ran around. It was a nice 78 degrees and breezy! A perfect day.

We got home and she had a great nap! I needed to vacuum and she's terrified of it so I strapped her into the Scootababy and we got the job done. Then, she decided she wanted to try her own "vak-oom" and figured out how to use her popper. Until now she's just carried it around! So cute to see her figure it out!

All that activity definitely tired her out (and the pugs too)!

Now that Spring has sprung and we have nicer weather, I want to be sure she gets at least a hour a day outside to play. Even if it's divided throughout the day. It's SO important! And it obviously makes her sleep so well! It'll be good for ALL of us to get outside and enjoy all that Mother Nature has to offer!

Home Sweet Home

I arrived home late on Saturday to a completely quiet house. The dogs didn't even bark. I quickly changed out of my clothes and into my pjs and said a quick hello to my mom, who was watching TV in her room. Within seconds, I heard Libby. She must have heard me talking with my mom (their rooms are right next to each other). So I went in and took her from her crib. It was about 11 p.m. I nursed and rocked her, thinking I'd get her back to sleep. Not so. She wanted to be up. So I turned on the lamp and we visited for a while. We read books and played with her dolly. My mom came in and filled me in on all that had happened that week. Nice weather meant a walk to the park and looking at the trees with their new blooms. Separation anxiety at night meant not too much sleep for anyone.

Finally, at around 1 a.m. Libby went back to sleep where she stayed until 9:30 a.m. It felt so good to sleep in my own bed, next to my honey. Even with losing an hour "springing forward," I felt well-rested. We got up and had a leisurely morning before heading out to a friend's first birthday party. It was an especially touching milestone to celebrate since she had lost her first daughter just days after she was born. En route, I dropped off the 75 ounces of milk I had pumped while I was out-of-town. I had no issues bringing it back through TSA.

This week was a tough one. To be away from Libby for the first time. And also with all that has gone on in the world...far away...with the devastating earthquake and tsunami in Japan and the continuing unrest and violence in Libya. To a little closer to home with my friend Sarah unexpectedly loosing both her aunt and then her father. At 38 weeks pregnant, she was unable to travel to either of them to say goodbye. My heart just breaks for her. Her sweet boy was born on Saturday, just a day after her father died. And my friend, to whom I've been donating my milk, she was to finalize her baby's adoption on Thursday. Only to find out that a man has come forward and is claiming paternity. This is not the same man who terminated paternal rights on the paperwork at the hospital back when the baby was born. It's someone new. And it means awaiting the results of a DNA test before any decisions can be made. What's worse is this guy is a convicted felon, meth cooker and drug addict. My friend is just beside herself with anxiety about the unknown. So I am praying hard...for her and her family, for my friend Sarah and her family and for all of the people in Japan and Libya and anywhere else there is suffering. And I am hugging my loved ones a little closer tonight. Because, as we've been reminded with these events, we never really know what tomorrow will bring. Or if tomorrow will ever come.

Do not stand at my grave and weep,
I am not there, I do not sleep.

I am in a thousand winds that blow,

I am the softly falling snow.

I am the gentle showers of rain,

I am the fields of ripening grain.

I am in the morning hush,

I am in the graceful rush

Of beautiful birds in circling flight,

I am the starshine of the night.

I am in the flowers that bloom,

I am in a quiet room.

I am in the birds that sing,

I am in each lovely thing.

Do not stand at my grave bereft

I am not there. I have not left.

~Mary Elizabeth Frye

Bonding Over Breastmilk

It's fairly common knowledge that breastfeeding is a great way to bond with your baby. But I had no idea that breastfeeding would lead me to bond with other mothers. And make friends with them. Case in point. The mama with whom I went to the aquarium last weekend and I met while sitting in her chair at a recent dental appointment. I asked her if the numbing agent was approved for breastfeeding mothers. She said it was and we proceeded to chat (as much as one can with a numb mouth and dental tools in it) about the joys and trials of being working mothers who breastfeed. We hit it off and soon discovered many other things in common.

And, I have bonded with the mother to whom I've been donating breastmilk. So much so, this week, she and her husband looked after Libby for us while I was at work and J was in class. My mom is out-of-town this week and next so she can be with her sister, who just had a double bypass, and we needed an alternative daycare situation. This mom stays-at-home with her four-year-old and four-month-old daughters. Her husband works second shift, like J, and is home during the day. So as soon as we learned we'd need someone to babysit, I contacted them with the proposal. Much to our joy, they said, "yes, no problem." What a relief. So Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday this week, we packed Libby up and dropped her off at their place.

We've never had to do the whole daycare drop-off and pick-up routine so it's been a learning curve for all of us. She was there on Monday from 8:15 a.m. until 2:45 p.m., Tuesday from 8:15 a.m. until 12:45 p.m. and Wednesday from 8 a.m. until 12:30 p.m. She'll do the same next week. I offered to pay them and they said, "just keep giving us your milk." But that didn't feel right. So I have them some cash on Wednesday. And will do the same next week. I don't want them to feel that we're taking advantage of a new friendship. And they've really helped us out, so the least we could do is give them some "fun money."

 Here's two iPhone pics that were taken of Libby by my firend while she was watching her this week. She posted them to my FB for me so I could see how Libby was doing while I was at work. So sweet!

This week has also made me extra grateful for the fact that my mom usually watches Libby during the week. Libby can sleep until she's ready to wake and we don't have to rush around and get her into the car and to daycare. It's so nice to be able to have Libby stay home, even if it's not with me. At least for now. When she's older, I would like her to go to preschool a couple day a week to socialize and begin preparing for school.

Speaking of which, we had our third Parents as Teachers home visit this week. I cannot say enough about how wonderful this program is. We've learned SO much in the three months we've been participating. I cannot believe it's free! I plan to donate some materials, like books and art supplies to our PAT educator as a thank you. Libby is developing way ahead in most areas and in some ways I know we've got our work cut out for ourselves to stay one step ahead of her! Last week, in the bath, she used two cups that we have in there (to help with shampooing her hair, etc.) to pour one into the other. Apparently these are called "transfer skills" and not something that toddlers her age can typically do. What's more, she always only uses the smaller one to pour into the larger one (the small one is 2 oz. and the large one is 6 oz.) which is also considered advanced problem solving and not something one year olds are usually capable of doing. Pretty neat, huh?

Making friends...creating a village all my own!

I have lamented on here more than once about not having a circle of friends here in Tulsa. Well, that's changed! As you can see from Libby's birthday post, we had a nice gathering of folks. Who are they!? Our new friends! One gal, I actually met online before I ever thought about moving here. She was married in Hawaii and we "met" online in a forum for brides getting married in the islands. We've gotten together a handful of time since I've moved here but she's super busy as a SAHM to three littles and I work during the week so it's hard for our calendars to align. She also travels a bunch with her family since her hubby works for American Airlines. Anyway, she's a great gal and whenever we do get together we have the best time!

The second family, we met in October. They've just adopted a new baby and really wanted to feed her breast milk. So they looked for local donors and voila! They happened to contact me just as I was debating what to do with a freezer overflowing with frozen milk that Libby had NO INTEREST in drinking. I was days away from heading to Seattle for two weeks and told J that if the milk disappeared (read: was thrown away) while I was out-of-town to make room in the freezer, I'd understand. But there was no way I was going to dump all that milk myself! There was well over 100 oz.! And I was devastated just to have to dump 30 oz. when I discovered my excess lipase issue back in March! Anyway, long story short, this family contacted us and we gave them all of our frozen milk. I continue to freeze what I can (although I've been pumping less and less now that Libby is older) and give it to them. They've had us over for a couple of visits and are just the nicest people! They're originally from California, so we have that in common as well.

And finally, my newest friend is actually my dental hygienist. I met her in December when I went to a new dentist for a routine dental cleaning. Turns out pregnancy and a less-than-attentive previous dentist created some issues that needed resolving. FOUR appointments later, it's been taken care of and I got a new friend out of the deal! I knew I liked her as soon as I saw a framed photo of her pet pug dog in her office. It turns out that she's got a daughter just a couple of months younger than Libby and we immediately clicked. We talked about being working moms, breastfeeding/pumping, in-laws and mothers, and life. Even though we had just met and most of our conversation had been between work in my mouth, I brought her a birthday invite and hoped she could make it to the party. She did and we're going to take the girls to the aquarium in a few weeks. I appreciate that she's a working mama and knows how hard it is to balance being a mom, a career-woman and a wife.

So it goes...I'm developing a little circle of friends. We've been here 2.5 years and it's finally starting to happen. I am SO grateful!

Catching Up

June 2010 was a very rough month...I cannot get into all of the details (since you never really know who might be reading along) but I will say that it was quite challenging, both personally and professionally.  I have learned that tomorrow is never a guarantee and just when you think something might be solid and long-lasting you find out that it's not.  The reminder is difficult to accept, but I am working on it and moving forward... lately, I've been asking myself, "what do I want to be when I grow up?"

You'd think at nearly 36 years of age I'd have answered that for myself some time ago.  And for the most part, I have.  But professionally speaking, I am in limbo right now.  And faced with 20, 30 or maybe even 40 more years of earning an income ahead of me, I want to chose a path that will be rewarding, both personally and economically speaking.  I already know that being a mother and raising children will be the most challenging and rewarding job I ever have...if only there was a way to earn an income for being a mother!  I read somewhere that if moms were paid a wage for all that they do, they'd make something like half a million dollars a year!  I know that money isn't everything, but I think it is easier for those with it to say that.  And I am also aware of how abundant my life is, yet I still have goals that only financial security will buy...like becoming a home owner, helping my children through college and someday, becoming debt-free.

I was always told, "with hard work and determination you can be whatever you want to be."  And for the most part, that has been true.  But there is a point where even if you work hard and are determined, there are factors beyond your control that can affect the situation as well.  And those factors can be difficult obstacles to overcome.  So, for now, I am embracing an attitude of gratitude for all that I have in my life and opening myself up to the possibilities beyond what I already see.  I have been feeling "old" lately.  I mean, my baby cousin is getting married in a month, my baby nephew is a teenager now and my baby girl is nearly six months old!  How does this happen?  Time is just racing by!  And before I know it, I'll be 40 and then 45 and then 50 and have a teenager of my own.  What will I be doing then?  Will I have gone back to school (for yet another degree)?  Will I have started (yet another) business?  I have no idea.  And that troubles me right now.  I hate the in-between, limbo of not knowing.  I've never been good at it. So I am trying to just be in it and not fight the unknown right now.

Aside from this personal turmoil I've been, Libby is continuing to develop at lightening speed!  Infant pottying is going amazingly well and most days we don't have to change a poopy diaper because she goes in the potty.  She's getting ready to start solids...we've had her at the table with us during meals and she's had her first tastes of banana, mashed potato and hummus.  I ordered her a highchair today so that we can start putting food on her tray and letting her go for it.  I am excited that we're going with Baby Led Weaning (although I prefer to call it Child Led Solids, since she really won't be weaned for at least another 6-12 months...)  She is still teething like crazy but there are no signs of actual teeth just yet.  She's started making new sounds, like "mmmmm...." and "ooooohhhh" and I am hoping to hear "mama" really soon.  Now that she's been sitting unassisted for a couple of weeks she's learning to scoot on her bottom towards things.  It's really cute.  And so it goes...time is passing quickly and my newborn is now a curious little baby.  Witnessing her growth is priceless and being her mom is worth more to me than all the money in the world.

What's on your list?

Found this list at JanineB's blog and wanted to play along too. 

The things I've done are bolded:

1. Started your own blog
2. Slept under the stars
3. Played in a band
4. Visited Hawaii
5. Watched a meteor shower
6. Given more than you can afford to charity
7. Been to Disneyland
8. Climbed a mountain
9. Held a praying mantis
10. Sang a solo
11. Bungee jumped
12. Visited Paris
13. Watched a lightning storm at sea
14. Taught yourself an art from scratch
15. Adopted a child
16. Had food poisoning
17. Walked to the top of the Statue of Liberty
18. Grown your own vegetables
19. Seen the Mona Lisa in France
20. Slept on an overnight train
21. Had a pillow fight
22. Hitch hiked
23. Taken a sick day when you’re not ill
24. Built a snow fort
25. Held a lamb
26. Gone skinny dipping
27. Run a Marathon
28. Ridden in a gondla
29. Seen a total eclipse
30. Watched a sunrise or sunset
31. Hit a home run
32. Been on a cruise
33. Seen Niagara Falls in person
34. Visited the birthplace of your ancestors
35. Seen an Amish community
36. Taught yourself a new language
37. Had enough money to be truly satisfied
38. Seen the Leaning Tower of Pisa in person
39. Gone rock climbing
40. Seen Michelangelo’s David
41. Sung karaoke
42. Seen Old Faithful geyser erupt
43. Bought a stranger a meal at a restaurant
44. Visited Africa
45. Walked on a beach by moonlight
46. Been inside an ambulance
47. Had your portrait painted
48. Gone deep sea fishing
49. Seen the Sistine Chapel in person
50. Been to the top of the Eiffel Tower in Paris
51. Gone scuba diving or snorkeling
52. Kissed in the rain
53. Played in the mud
54. Gone to a drive-in theater
55. Been in a movie
56. Visited the Great Wall of China
57. Started a business
58. Taken a martial arts class
59. Visited Russia
60. Served at a soup kitchen
61. Sold Girl Scout Cookies
62. Gone whale watching
63. Got flowers for no reason
64. Donated blood, platelets or plasma
65. Gone sky diving
66. Visited a Nazi Concentration Camp
67. Bounced a check
68. Flown in a helicopter
69. Saved a favorite childhood toy
70. Visited the Lincoln Memorial
71. Eaten Caviar
72. Pieced a quilt
73. Stood in Times Square
74. Toured the Everglades
75. Been fired from a job
76. Seen the Changing of the Guards in London
77. Broken a bone
78. Been on a speeding motorcycle
79. Seen the Grand Canyon in person
80. Published a book
81. Visited the Vatican
82. Bought a brand new car
83. Walked in Jerusalem
84. Had your picture in the newspaper
85. Read the entire Bible
86. Visited the White House
87. Killed and prepared an animal for eating
88. Had chickenpox
89. Saved someone’s life
90 Sat on a jury
91. Met someone famous
92. Joined a book club
93. Lost a loved one
94. Had a baby
95. Seen the Alamo in person
96. Swam in the Great Salt Lake
97. Been involved in a law suit
98. Owned a cell phone
99. Been stung by a bee
100. Eaten lunch on the steps of the Lincoln Memorial
101. Lit candles at St. Patrick’s Cathedral
102. Been stopped by the cops for making out in my car
103. Been threatened with arrest
104. Had surgery
105. Played on the beach at Malibu
106. Been a bridesmaid
107. Caught the bouquet
108. Been engaged
109. Broken off engagement
110. Acted in a play
111. Directed a play
112. Been to Las Vegas
113. Been to Euro Disney
114. Been to Disney World
115. Been to Capri
116. Seen a snow capped mountain only from afar
117. Been to the Atlantis in the Bahamas
118. been given a kiss that makes you weak in the knees
119. participated in an international student exchange
120. kept a juicy secret for a good friend no one else knows
121. shared a juicy secret with a good friend you haven't shared with anyone else

How many can you check off? What would you add?

I’m adding:

122. Been to Greece
123. Sung at on the stage of the Metropolitan Opera
124. Picked wild blueberries in Alaska
125. Owned a convertible car.
126. Been on television
127. Got a tattoo
128. Divorced
129. Remarried
130. Visited Fiji
131. Camped in Yosemite
132. Hiked to a waterfall
133. Met royalty
134. Ridden in a hot air balloon
135. Stomped grapes into wine
136. Won prize money

Recollection

Tonight, as I settled Libby down to sleep, I reached over to turn on her sound machine and rather than the usual "ocean" sounds to which we normally set it,  my finger brushed the "womb" setting.  I saw a flash in Libby's eyes like she remembered that sound.  It brought tears to my eyes to see that.

The last time that I had heard this sound was when my own womb sounds were broadcast into the room by the fetal monitor on her birth day.  It had been a sound that I had grown to know intimately over the ten weeks preceding her birth since, once I had started insulin injections to manage my gestational diabetes, I had to go to the hospital each Thursday to monitor her in a non-stress test.

I remember the nurses always asking me if I wanted them to turn down the monitor with its constant whir of the heart that was beating within me but that was not my own.  My answer was always the same. "No thank you...I love to listen to her heart beating..."  They always offered me the remote control to the little TV in the monitoring room and I always declined, instead asking them to turn out the lights so I could lay there and concentrate on the woosh-woosh-woosh of my Little Being.  Every Thursday for ten weeks this was my ritual.  Sometimes I'd watch the lines dance on the monitor screen and wonder what she was up to in there.  But usually, I'd close my eyes and just listen.

 Libby Jo in July 2009

Tonight, I made the connection that while I was doing that on the outside, once a week for an hour or so, my little one was doing that 24/7 for nine-plus months.  And tonight, when I hit that button on her sound machine, it flipped the switch in her memory of her time there, not so long ago that it had been forgotten.  It was amazing to see it flash across her face in the glimmer of her sleepy eyes as they became heavier with the comfort of being swaddled and rocked to sleep.  It was shown just before the sweetest smile that breaks across her lips as she falls to sleep.  I love to see that little "I'm off to la-la-land" smile. Sixteen weeks in the world isn't very long when compared to the 39 weeks and three days she spent in utero.  So tonight, she sleeps to the comforting sounds of the womb.  The ocean can wait until tomorrow.

Gratitude

On this Thanksgiving holiday I am grateful for:

1) My husband who shows me everyday just how much he loves and supports me without conditions
Today I pray for all couples who are struggling in their marriage that they may find common ground and cling to their love for one another.

2) For this healthy baby who grows bigger and stronger inside me
Today I pray for all those who are struggling with infertility and for those who are pregnant with severe complications.

3) For my family, both near and far
Today I pray for those who are estranged from their loved ones. May they find a way back to each other's love.

4) For my friends
Today I pray for those who are lonely or isolated, that they may be comforted by the smile or hug of a new friend.

5) For my wonderfully, comprehensive health insurance and health care
Today I pray for those who face everyday with the uncertainty that lack of coverage or health care brings them. I pray that our leaders in Washington will continue to work towards a better solution than what we have in place so that every man, woman and child who wants to have health insurance can.