A lot of parenting feels overwhelming...the love, the wonder....and the frustration too. Like last night. Libby just didn't want to sleep. We rocked and nursed and snuggled and had white noise and she would fight the entire time. Then, she'd finally give in, fall asleep and then the dogs would bark and she'd be wide awake again! This went on from 6 - 11 p.m. I think she finally just passed out due to sheer exhaustion! And I was exhausted too!
My mom is away for two weeks and I am realizing just how much she's been a help...a savior...to us in these first six months of parenthood. When I get home from work, she'll play with Libby so I can get something to eat and get out of my work clothes. If I give Libby a bath she'll help me get her dried off and dressed. These "little things" all add up to a tremendous amount of help and also to some balance for me. She's home in the daytime too and helps J a lot as well. I always knew that we were incredibly lucky to have her living with us right now, but this time apart just reaffirms it for me. And I am so grateful that my little girl is developing a very special relationship with her grandma and that my mom is here to help me as I learn to become a mother.
Lately, I have been feeling restless...some things have changed at work and that has led me to reevaluate my path. It's a good thing, even if it was prompted rather unexpectedly by circumstances beyond my control. And as I think about our future, I am opening my mind up to all of the possibilities that exist...even the ones I am not even aware of at this moment. Five years ago I never, in a million years, would have imagined that I'd be married, living in Tulsa with my mom, my husband and our baby. Never. So who knows where we'll be in the next five years? Not me. I have hopes and dreams, but won't fully know where we'll until we get there. And that's okay. A little overwhelming. But okay none the less.