Birthday Eve

Tomorrow I turn 34. And I am not having a good time with it. Weird, I know. Why 34? Why not wait until next year to freak out?

First of all, it's the first bday in about 15 years that my twin brother and I will have not celebrated together. So that's kind of weird. And honestly? Not really anything I would have even thought of before, but now, because we're not together on our birthday, I am.

And of course, the rest of my family's not here and J has to work a double shift tomorrow and with no friends here that means I will spend the evening, after work, alone. Well, alone with the furbabies.

So...I am having a pity party, sort-of. My friends from a far have emailed and called or sent cards and my family has too, but honestly, this is a first for me. And frankly, I don't like it. So I am going to try to embrace it...book a massage for myself after work, eat sushi and take the dogs for a walk in the prettiest park in town. And I am going to try to get over this hump... 34...nearly 35, which had so many attachments to it when I was in my 20's.

It was my cut-off point for pursuiing an opera career (obviously I checked out early) and in a way, the cut-off for kids. As in, if I don't feel the "baby bug" by 35 I am not having kids. It's no surprise that I don't have "baby rabies" but now I feel, in a way, that time is running out. Or something. I cannot quite put my finger on it, but this is the first birthday, ever, that I have not looked forward to and I am not sure why. Probably ALL of the above, huh?

We have been here nearly 6 months and I am ready to make some friends. I see coworkers everyday, but none are really becoming friends that I would call and hang out with outside of work. Let alone call at 2 am during a crisis! The ones that I have most in common with are my parents age. Is that a problem? Maybe that's because the one's my age are all about their kids. As they should be. But I am not, ya know?

I am sure that time will provide more opportunities to get out and meet people and find my niche. I hope to volunteer around town and see where that leads. I never have a hard time making friends. But here, I am having a hard time meeting people, who could, potentially become my friends.

Oddly enough, I think that this has brought J and I closer. It's like us against the world, in a way. And I am grateful that we get along so well and genuinely enjoy spending time together. But I also know that, for his sake and mine, I need to get a few girlfriends here in town. Ones with whom I can go see chic flicks, gossip about the latest hollyweird dramas, spend hours shopping for shoes and buying nothing, lamenting over marriage stuff and family stuff and money stuff and career stuff. You know, sister-friends? All of mine are on the west coast. And I am here, in the midwest. Kind of poses a geographically undesirable issue. And since none of my leftcoast sister-friends want to move to the midwest, that means I've gotta meet some new girlies here. So, that's the plan. And maybe that means by this time next year, I will be looking forward to a fabulous 35th birthday party with all my new friends. Or packing it up and flying back to the west coast. Only time will tell.