Separation Anxiety

Yesterday was a rough day at work and couldn't help but be overwhelmed by feelings of questioning whether or not I am doing the right thing by being a working mother.  Never mind that my not having a job isn't even an option right now.  I feel so guilty about leaving my little one all day while I am at work.  I know she's in great hands with her daddy and grandma, but I, selfishly I guess, want to be there to witness all of her cuteness as it unfolds throughout the day. 

I want to hear her giggle in the morning upon waking and see her get excited when she plays with her toys for the first time each day.  But alas, these moments will have to be cherished on the weekends, since I am out the door before 7 a.m. while she snoozes away next to her daddy.  I know I am not the first woman to feel torn about going back to work after having a baby. 

We always hear about baby developing separation anxiety but what about mamas having it too? I know that millions of women around the world do it everyday.  And with a lot less support than I have.  And I know I should be incredibly grateful since my situation allows me to come home each day for lunch to nurse Libby and play with her.  And that she gets to stay home with her daddy and grandmother while I am working is a major gift.  We won't even need to consider a formal day care situation until she's at least one year old. 

But my heart aches during the day because I am away from her.  And I feel anxious from the moment I leave the house until the moment I get home.  I am hoping that, in time, this will subside and I will find a new rhythm.  But I am pretty sure finding a happy balance between being a mother and a working woman (outside the home) is a long haul.  Maybe by the time she's eighteen I'll have figured it out.


Sara B said...

I wish I could tell you it gets better but I still have good and bad days when it comes to this and Marino will be 2 in July. Make the most of the time you have with her and know it's harder on you than her. And know that you are not alone in your feelings!