Marriage is not a love affair, it's an ordeal. It is a religious exercise, a sacrament, the grace of participating in another life. If you go into marriage with a program, you will find that it won't work. Successful marriage is leading innovative lives together, being open, non-programmed. It's a free fall: how you handle each new thing as it comes along. As a drop of oil on the sea, you must float, using intellect and compassion to ride the waves. What I see in marriage, then, is a real identification with that other person as your responsibility, and as the one whom you love. Committing yourself to anyone, turning your destiny over to a dual destiny, is a life commitment. To lose your sense of responsibility to the person who has given you that commitment because something comes along that enables you to think, "I'd like to fly off in this direction and forget that which has already been committed"-this is not marriage. I do not think you are married unless your relationship to your spouse has primary consideration in your life. It's got to be top.